A Broken Hallelujah

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The song that's making me wipe tears from my eyes this morning...

 I don't know what all the lyrics mean, but I do understand that life is often a broken Hallelujah.   

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Hardest Spiritual Lesson #8: Matthew 6:33

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The second to last "hardest lesson" that many of us will face on our spiritual journeys (though I know there's more I haven't covered): Seeking God’s Kingdom and Righteousness (This will be a long one because there is much to say about it.    And I am drawing in a lot that I wrote in other posts because I think it is all worth repeating again and again.) Matthew 6:33:   “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” We all know that we are supposed to be seeking righteousness and God’s Kingdom.    But are we actually doing it?    And do we really even know what that means?   The reason I ask is because our country is getting so lukewarm and relativistic about spiritual things.    Whole denominations are drifting away from Biblical Christianity and becoming social clubs where the speakers tickle the ears of the congregation and make them feel warm and cozy and comfortable.  ...
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Afraid to Pray?

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Have you ever been afraid to pray? I’m in this place a bit right now.   Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that prayer matters.   That it’s crucial.   I do pray about things.   Prayers of thanksgiving.   Prayers about immediate concerns.   Prayers of “I’m sorry.”   But more and more, I find that the words don’t come easily.   I guess I am afraid because it seems that every time I pray for something, the thing I pray about gets attacked.   Or I feel like my request gets denied, just to teach me a lesson.   Or I feel like the request will be granted, but it will cost me and I will have to pay in some other area. Or I feel like the answers have been coming so slowly and that I have to pray about things for years … so “Why bother starting now when it will just lead to years of anguish?”   Or I think “I’ve already prayed about that for years.   Why ask again?”   Or it feels like when the answer...
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My Panic Attack (repost)

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(Reposted from my blog, https://myimpressionisticlife.blogspot.com , from 2016.   A really bad year for me.) I wrote this in the post called “Random Facts about Me.  Just for Fun!” on my other blog.  It’s #64 on the list.  But I think it deserves its own post.  So I am reposting it here, because it fits with the theme of this blog.   If you’ve ever had a panic attack, maybe you can relate.  I hope not, though.  Because panic attacks suck!             64.   I had a small panic attack three days ago (May 30, 2016).  It’s the first one I’ve ever had and I don’t plan on ever having another one.  [I also once had a minor nervous breakdown during my parents’ very messy divorce.  It was so bad that the only way I could start breathing and stop crying was to flee from everything, to jump in the car with my husband and two kids and run away to the middle of nowhere for a little while.]
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Alexa PenaVega on her heartbreaking loss

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On Godtube, I just watched this touching testimony from Alexa PenaVega (she's in my favorite Christian movies of all time, Do You Believe? , and one of my favorite TV shows, The Middle ).   I had no clue she had gone through such a tragic loss in her life (in 2024, I think) - the death of her newborn baby.  Heartbreaking! I haven't experienced the same kind of loss she did, but I totally appreciate that she's sharing her story, from a heart full of faith.  May God bless her and use her story to encourage others who've gone through loss, too. [One thing that caught my attention is that she quoted a verse - one verse - and it happened to be one (of about 5) that I had just written down shortly before I watched her video.  Out of all the verses in the Bible, I encounter the same one twice within a couple hours... coincidence?   I know that it's a verse I need... and maybe someone else out there needs it too:  "I will refresh the weary and satisfy th...
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White horses and a cup of tea (part 2)

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(picking up where we left off in part 1 ...) And that brings us to this year.   This year I wasn't going to make any New Year's resolutions.  I was like "meh, who cares?" But then, two things grew naturally in my mind, goals for this year.  (The first one will take three posts, and then I'll share the second one after that.) (Plus, I think I'll keep trying the "talk less, listen more" resolution, too.   I could always use more of that.   And I think I'll add "try to stop speaking negative things."  That won't be easy.  I do far too much of that.): A Theme:   This is going to be my "white horse" year.   "What's a 'white horse'?" you ask.   Well, I'm glad you asked.  I'll tell you.   Here's the thing: I'm an overthinker.  A massive overthinker.  And it causes me lots of anxiety.  Of course, I have some very real things to be concerned about, but I also overthink little things and not-eve...
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We Left Our Church Because of Calvinism (Things My Calvinist Pastor Said)

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[Yes, I know this is sarcastic, a little spicy and snarky, but I'm okay with that.  Someone's gotta say it.  For the text-only version, no memes,  click here .   For the memes only,  click here .  For the links only,  click here .  Also,  I broke this long post down into smaller posts, so click here for all the links to the individual posts in the  "Things My Calvinist Pastor Said" series .  All memes were created with  imgflip .  (This was updated in July 2020 , and it's being updated again in late 2025, early 2026.)] The inevitable has finally happened, the day we hoped would never come: The day we officially resigned from our church because of our pastor's dogmatic Calvinist preaching (May 20, 2019).   (From now on, I will try to call him our "ex-pastor."  And for the record, it was an Evangelical Free Church, which are being  taken over by Calvinism  all over the place.  So be wary an...
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When Calvinists say "But predestination!" (tiny, bare-bones version)

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[Here's the tiniest version of my "But predestination!" post.  The short version with more memes and quotes and information can be  found here , and t he longest version (a series of posts full of many more Calvinist comments, my Calvinist ex-pastor's sermons, and my replies to them, written for my own amusement and for my ex-church) can be found by  starting here .  But this tiny version includes only the most basic parts you need to know, with a few memes and quotes thrown in to spice it up and prove my points.  (I know this could be much tinier, but Calvinism has so many bunny trails, so many interlocking ideas, that it's hard to address one part without addressing more.  So this is as comprehensively tiny as I dared to make it.) ] At the heart of Calvinism is predestination and God's sovereignty (among other things, like "total depravity"), which according to Calvinism essentially amounts to:  "God preplans and controls everything, even sin ...
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Winning the Battle

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(Reposted from my other blog ... because I needed to be reminded of it often.) I have been in a “funk” lately.  I get in them often, comes with being a child from a broken home.  (This is a repost of something I wrote years ago, but it still strongly applies.)   Prayer has felt futile.  I’ve been wanting to pull back from people.  I am struggling to accept certain “life problems” that I wish I didn’t have.  And I constantly deal with feelings of failure and not mattering. I know it’s not proper for a Christian to expose the fact that they are dealing with depression and frustration with God and disappointment with prayer and unhappiness with life.  I know we are supposed to plaster on that “good, happy, Christian smile” and act like we are full of joy and peace and contentment.  (Or are we?)   But this is the truth about how I feel.  And if I can’t be real with God and other Christians (even anonymously on this blog), then who can I be r...
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Pause, breathe, smile

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(Happy New Year!)  Please, allow me to vent and to listen to myself rant.  And come along, if you want, on a trip through m y mind  (I apologize in advance for how the messy it is😉) : Are you exhausted?  I am.  I am sick and tired of all the craziness out there, all the chaos, fighting, hate, lies, fear-mongering, violence, increasing prices (for less product or services), natural disasters, wars, rumors of wars, AI this-and-that, Big Pharma, social deviance/immorality, efforts to force people to tolerate social deviance/immorality, political posturing and mudslinging and nonsense, etc.  ("You can stop the world now, God.  We wanna get off.")   I am sick of both social media and the news - because everyone just wants to fight, scream their opinions, demand their way, calls names, make accusations, and force everyone else to agree with them and do things their way.  E verything's an "us vs them" thing, and "if you don't agree with 'us' ...
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