Hardest Spiritual Lesson #1: Let Go

I wrote about some of the "hardest spiritual lessons" years ago on another blog of mine, but I am updating and reposting it here.  These are normal, typical (often painful) lessons that we will all eventually struggle with (it's okay to struggle) if we continue to walk with God and to chase after a deeper relationship with Him.  (And I know there are more than I've listed here.)  

In no particular order (and broken up into individual posts), here are some of the hardest lessons I've learned over the years when it comes to faith and walking with God:

1.  Let Go or Hold on?

Imagine you fell over the side of a cliff and are hanging onto a tiny root sticking out the side of the cliff with one hand, and God throws a rope down to save you.  But in your other hand, you're holding onto a water bottle you think you need.  You need both hands to grab the rope and climb, but you're afraid to let go of the water bottle.  After all, we need water to live, right?  What if I drop the water bottle and then die of dehydration while climbing to the top?  What if I make it to the top but find no water up there?  Maybe I could try climbing one handed, switching the bottle back and forth.  Maybe I could stop every few minutes and take a drink.  Maybe I could make this work.  After all, I need my water bottle.  I can't let it go.

But no.  You need to choose: the water bottle or the rope?  You cannot successfully hang onto both (and how exhausting it is to try).  You need to drop the bottle, grab onto the rope God threw you with both hands, and climb, trusting that He'll provide what you really need along the way and when you need it.  (Do you really think He's going to go through all the trouble of creating you, dying for you, saving you, caring for you, providing for you your whole life, etc., just to let you down at the end?)

At many points in our Christian walk, we face a time of decision that is crucial to our spiritual growth where we are forced to choose between two options: God's way or our way.  His wisdom or ours?  Which will we let go of and which will we hold onto?  

Self-sufficiency, or reliance on God?  Maintaining control, or giving the control over to Him?  Our dreams and goals for ourselves, or His plans and paths for us?  Our self-protective ways, or radical obedience to Him?  Setting our own priorities, or letting God reprioritize our lives?  Meeting our own “needs,” or letting God meet what He knows are our real needs?  Hiding old wounds and the broken parts of ourselves so that we don't get hurt again, or humbly handing the broken pieces over to Him so that He can heal them and make us whole, even if it feels risky and hurts a bit?  The easy way, or the right way?  The earthly pleasures, or the heavenly treasures?

We may be (will be!) forced to make tough decisions, to decide who's in control and what we will work for and what we'll give up and which direction we'll walk and who we'll find our sufficiency in.  At some point, we'll have to face the soul-scarring moments of our pasts, deciding whether to remain stagnant in bitterness, unforgiveness, self-pity, vengefulness ... or to humbly and honestly give these hurts over to the Lord so that He can heal them, dish out justice, and make the wrongs right, turning them into something good and useful.  We may be (will be!) asked to examine and let go of the misconceptions we have of God and of faith that hurt our relationship with Him, and the misconceptions and negative views we have of ourselves and of others that keep us stunted and handicapped in our spiritual and earthly relationships.  We may be asked to let go of many hopes and desires and “needs,” to accept “less than” what we always wanted, and to learn to live with God’s “No” when we really wanted (or thought we needed) His “Yes.”

Maybe you won't agree, but I think many of our “needs” are simply great, big wants.  Real, desperate, good wants, but not needs.  More money, appreciation, more friends, a more significant role, fulfillment in earthly things, more influence or power or attention, a spouse who listens better or pampers us more, a better job, a flashier body, a bigger home, a fancier phone, freedom to pursue our interests, etc.

The problem is that when we call them “needs,” we turn them into something we're entitled to, that we passionately pursue, and that we're unfulfilled without.  These "needs" can become idols.  But in reality, we are not entitled to any particular blessing.  Everything we have is a gift from God.  And God should be what we passionately pursue.  He should be where we find our fulfillment.  And sometimes to get us to prioritize correctly, God strips us of the things we thought we "needed," helping us learn that He is enough, teaching us to praise Him and be content in Him and glorify Him even when those "needs" are unmet, even if our hearts still hurt.  (A later post)

When we define a desire as a "need," we're miserable when we don't get it, the thing we think we need in order to be joyful and content.  But when we properly define it as a “want,” we can hold it more loosely and give it over to God so that He can do what He wants with it, allowing Him to be enough for us, regardless of if we got what we wanted or not.

We have to start calling our “needs” what they are: great, big wants that we need to put into God’s hands if we want to be truly fulfilled in the best way possible.

I have a theory.  All of us who decide to passionately pursue God (and not every Christian chooses to do this, many just coast in their relationship with Him) will eventually find ourselves in a painful struggle with our deepest fears and “needs.”  We may be struggling with an illness, a wayward child, a difficult or drifting spouse, an unfulfilling role.  Or maybe it’s our fears about being insignificant, unappreciated, unloved, alone, about feeling unstable and out of control, about pain, about loss, about death.

Somewhere along the path to a whole, humble, genuine, trusting relationship with Him, all serious God-seekers will be forced to face and struggle with “our issue” until we make a decision: hold onto the fear/”need”/desire/resentment/difficult situation (etc.) and try to maintain control over it ... or place it fully into God’s hands and grab onto Him instead, giving Him permission to do what He wants with it, trusting Him no matter what.  (Yikes, I know.)

He will not allow us to hold onto both.  We cannot hold onto control and fear and “our right to have our needs met” and resentment and selfish desires (etc.), and yet still hold onto Him, too.

God knows that it’s not best for us to carry so many of the things we do, so many of the burdens we put on ourselves, and that we're only hurting ourselves and our relationship with Him when we cling to things we shouldn't cling to.  And so He asks us to decide: Pursue and cling to what we think we need ... or let them go, put them in His hands, and pursue and cling to Him instead?

These “decision times” are usually very difficult and painful because they often hit upon the scars and broken parts of our hearts and souls, the wounds we tried to keep wrapped up, hidden, and safe for so long.  And they often involve learning to be vulnerable and to trust God with our deepest fears and vulnerabilities, when we'd rather have the control in our efforts to keep ourselves "safe".

But God is after complete healing and growth and wholeness for us, and so we are asked to eventually face, work through, and let go of the self-reliant, self-protective, self-focused thoughts and behaviors that hinder our relationship with Him, with ourselves, and with others.

And to correct a common misconception: You don’t have to “be happy about” or “feel like” being obedient in order to do it.  Even if you are still heart-sick and sad and internally-resistant, you can still humbly submit your life to the Lord and accept His Will for you and obey whatever step He tells you to take next.

Just look at Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane.  He went to the Father in passionate, heart-broken prayer, pleading with Him to change the plans if possible.  And He had to do this three times with tears and crying and sweating blood before He could get to the point of saying, “Not My Will, but Yours be done.”  He didn’t want to go to the cross.  He wasn’t happy about it.  But He did it anyway.

Humble submission is an act of the will, not of emotions.  And it’s normal to go through times of extreme heart-ache and crying and internal struggle before you are able to hand your concern fully over to God, to put your will aside and say, “Not my will but Yours be done.”  You might not feel like it at first, but as you submit to and trust the Lord, your feelings will eventually get in line.  But usually, obedience and humble submission come first, before the acceptance, peace, joy, and contentment (even though there may still be a lot of pain).

When you find yourself in a time of decision (hint: it’s usually when you’ve got internal struggles that hit you deeply, and you may not quite know what’s bothering you or why), ask God what He's trying to tell you, what He wants you to do.  And take the time to listen.  Explore the Word for guidance about what He wants you to let go of and what He wants you to grab on to, the next step He wants you to take.  Pray for clarity and strength to do it.  If you choose rightly, you'll find more wholeness and healing in Him, greater spiritual growth.  If you choose wrongly, you'll find yourself in confusion, internal restlessness, and eventually facing the same issues again.  So pray about it all and be willing to obey, and see what God can do when you let go of the things you're not supposed to hold onto and you grab onto Him with both hands instead.

[I just so happened to be listening to a Tony Evans sermon today, after updating this post, where he also talks about us turning wants into needs, and he says it causes us anxiety then when God doesn't meet those "needs."  Listen to it here in this Freedom From Anxiety sermon.  And since it's on the same issue of anxiety, here's another good sermon on it: Reversing anxiety consequences.] 

Meditate on these.  Memorize them.  Say them out loud as part of spiritual warfare when you're struggling or feel the enemy attacking you: 

Psalm 4:4: “. . . when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”

Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Jer. 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

Prov. 16:9: “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

Phil. 2:13: “. . . for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”

2 Cor. 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Matt. 6:33: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Deut. 4:29: “But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

Matt. 22:37: “Jesus replied, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’”

Phil. 4:19: “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”