Getting Through the "Broken" Times (short version)

(This is the short version.  The long one is here.)

Practical Advice for Getting Through the Broken Times (in no particular order, reposted from a few years ago)

1.  Be gracious toward yourself!
            You make sense.  You are not a hopeless mess.  You are human.  And humans hurt.  Humans break sometimes.  And we all need compassion and grace and understanding and love and forgiveness – for ourselves and for others.  So do not feel abnormal, like there is something wrong with you.  We are all broken in some way.  (It’s just that some people don’t know it yet.)  None of us really knows what we are doing in life.  (Although some won’t admit it.)  We are all just trying to make it through as best we can.  So you are in good company – in the company of many other hurting, broken, clueless, weak, needy people.  The very kind of people that God holds closest.
            Psalm 34:18:  "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  



2.  Simplify!  And go slow!  And learn to “be still.”
            Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.”
            When the stress hits hard and you are losing your ability to stand, simplify everything.  Your schedule, your responsibilities, your possessions, maybe even your relationships.  Say “no” to things, and don’t feel guilty about it.  And do not worry about what anyone else thinks or what their expectations are of you, just do the very simplest things that you need to do each day.  Wake up, make food, hug your family, pray, read your Bible, and give yourself permission to slow down and rest. 
            Above all, quiet your spirit before the Lord.  Learn to simply “be still” before Him, knowing that He is God and that you don’t have to be.  He can handle what you can’t.  He can fix what is broken.  He can carry you through when you don’t have the strength anymore.    
            When you get to a bad point - when you feel like retreating from life and like you can barely stand – slow way down and do nothing more than those super-simple daily things.  And consider it a victory.  A huge victory.  A step in the right direction.    
            (And stay away from the news and from soul-killing people.  You don’t need that right now.  And stay away from social media if it causes stress.)



3.  Know your triggers and the times when you are most vulnerable.
            What things or thoughts will inevitably send you into depression or anxiety?  Which events, objects, people, times of day, memories, etc. trigger those negative feelings in you?  Figuring this out allows you to take control of your thoughts and feelings instead of having them take control of you.  It helps protect you from being blindsided by them.  You’ll know what starts them and when you are at your most vulnerable, and so you can be prepared for it and take precautions against it, if possible. 
            At night when I am lying in bed is the time when my mind races the most with the things that I feel I am failing at, with all the worries I have about life and health and my family, etc.  And so I have “banned” myself from thinking about deep things at night.  If I have a real problem or concern, it will still be there in the morning.  So I don’t need to work myself up at night over it - when I can't do anything about it or even think clearly anyway.  And so I put it off until the next day because I know that I will be thinking better and clearer then, after I have had my coffee and done my Bible reading.  (If you need to, pray at night that the Lord helps your mind sort it out and that He guides you into wisdom, even as you sleep.  Your body might be asleep, but your mind isn’t.) 
            I have often found that problems and concerns have a way of getting resolved satisfactorily even when I haven’t spent the night anxiously dwelling on it, wringing my hands and working myself into a frenzy over it.  Another part of “being still” in the Lord – trusting that if we commit our concerns to Him, He can and will handle them.  Oh! the stress I cause myself, thinking that it’s all up to me!    



4.  Take care of yourself!
            Do what you need to do to care for yourself, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.  And if that means counseling or medication or taking a vacation or spending time alone or cutting off contact with people that make things worse, then do it.  And don’t feel that you have to please anyone else or to explain yourself or justify yourself to the nay-sayers and the doubters and the “holier-than-thou-ers.” 
            [Although, if you are married, try to make sure to “stay on the same team” as your spouse and to include them and work through it with them, if it is safe and proper to do so.  And be willing to listen to the godly advice and insight of those who love you, who are closest to you, and who have your best interest at heart.  They might be able to see something that you don’t see but need to.  And they might be able to offer you invaluable help.]



5.  Get outside of your house and outside of your head.  Do something relaxing and soul-refreshing.  Look for ways to help others. 
            There is a time for hiding … and then comes a time for getting back out there.  For engaging in the world.  Don’t sit all alone at home in the dark all the time.  Open your curtains and let the light in.  Take a walk.  Go to the store.  Smile at others and say “Hi.”  Do not close yourself off from the world; it will only make you feel less human and more helpless and hopeless.  You need to remember that there is still life going on outside your door and that there is much good out there and much good that you can do in the world.  In fact, some of the best “good” you can do is to use your pain to help others.  So do not close yourself off from the world.  Find ways to engage, to help, to reach out, to let others help you.
            Do things that relax you and that refresh you.  Find a good hobby.  Give yourself a project, a goal, something constructive to do.  Keep busy in some way (except in those times when you really just need to be still), even just making sure you do what you are supposed to do each day.  It does no good to sit around and mope and let things fall apart around you.  Clean something, take a class in something, cook something, exercise, garden.  Do something to better yourself and your surroundings and your life.  It won’t make everything all better, but you will feel a little better to see that you accomplished something instead of just sitting there and moping.



6.  Hold things loosely – life, possessions, and people.
            Life:  I’ve learned that it’s really stressful to try to hold onto everything tightly, to maintain careful control over everything, feeling like I need to manage everything and to do it all just right.  I guess that I think if I can just keep everything under control then I won’t get hurt, that I can ward off disaster and heartache and trials.  And yet, the stress of trying to control everything – to keep all the plates spinning in the air - is exhausting.  And it hurts me.  And the problems keep coming anyway. 
            We choke on life when we bite off more than we can chew, more than our mouths were ever meant to hold. 
            And carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders crushes the life out of us.  Our shoulders just aren’t big enough for that.
            But God’s shoulders are.
            I have learned that the safest, most secure place is not to be the one in charge of everything, but to be the one who is lying helpless and clueless at the feet of God, trusting that He will hold everything together and work everything out.  He leads, we follow.  He holds the future; we only have to worry about our responsibility to live today, in obedience and for His glory.  
            Drop the burdens at His feet.  Let Him take responsibility for the things we aren't supposed to be responsible for.  He is so much bigger and wiser and stronger and more capable than we are anyway.  And that’s a good thing.  And He is with us through it all, working for our best and for His glory.  He doesn’t need us to know what to do; He just needs us to need Him.  And knowing this will help us loosen our grip on everything.  It helps us put down the responsibilities and the burdens that were never ours to carry in the first place.   
            Possessions:  Hold your possessions loosely.  They do not define you.  They do not complete you or make you important.  They are things that will burn up in the end or that can be taken from you in an instant, in one random natural disaster.  Find your worth in the Lord.  Build up your treasures in eternity.  Work for the things that really matter and that will last.
            People:  When I say “hold people loosely,” I am not saying don’t cherish people or don’t fight for the relationships that matter.  I am saying that you cannot control other people.  You cannot make them do what you want them to do or make them stay if they are going to go.  You should not be manipulating them to fulfill you.  You should not let your view of yourself be defined by other people or let your joy hinge on them.  You should not put unfair expectations on others, needing them to be a certain way or do certain things to make you feel secure and valuable and worthy.  And you should not put the unfair expectation on yourself that if you can just do everything just right, then they will never leave you or let you down. 
            Other people are human, too.  We will all make mistakes and disagree with others and let others down at times.  And if we let our self-view be defined by other people and if we let them determine our worth, we will always feel unsure and at risk. 
            Our self-worth and view of ourselves needs to come from the Lord, to be defined by Him.  Our security needs to be found in Him.  He is the sure, stable foundation that we can plant our feet firmly on.  Not on other people. 
            Yes, cherish them, love them, enjoy the relationships.  But do not hold onto them so tightly or put so much of your “worth” in them that you are crushed when they let you down and are unable to extend to them forgiveness and grace and compassion.  We are hurt most by those whom we let define us and our worth the most, whom we hold too tightly because we “need” them to make us feel good about ourselves.  
            On a different note, do not put the expectation on yourself that it is your responsibility to fix everyone else or to force them to make the decisions that are "best" for them.  Sometimes, in our love for others, we want so badly to protect them from themselves, to force them to do what we know is best for them, to keep them from making mistakes and from feeling pain and from facing the consequences of their actions.  But we cannot control others.  We cannot help those who don’t want to be helped (other than by praying for them and loving them and being there for them).  We cannot live their lives for them. 
            But we can trust that God holds them in His hands, that He loves them even more than we do.  And so sometimes, when it comes to loved ones who are making bad decisions and when we’ve done all we can to help them, we need to release them into God’s hands.  Into His powerful, capable, wise, loving hands.  
            We can trust that even if other people don't do what we want them to do, God will do all He can to guide and protect them, to bring them back to where He wants them to be, and to help them on their journey.  And He can use whatever bad and pain there is for good.  Hold those you love loosely enough that you allow God to take His rightful place in their lives and that you do not assume responsibility for them that isn’t yours to assume. 
  


7.  Read your Bible.
            Learn more about the big picture, instead of just focusing on the circumstances of your life right now.  Learn about who God is and who we are, about how He deals with us and responds to us and loves us and forgives us.  Memorize Scripture and write it around your house so that you can recall it during a moment of need, when you sense an attack from the enemy, or when your mind starts going to dark places.  Learn biblical truths – about God’s love and faithfulness and grace and all-sufficiency and forgiveness - so that you can preach these truths back to yourself, so that you can counter the attacks of the enemy and of your own broken mind.    
            When we are in pain, we tend to get tunnel-vision, to view God only through the lens of our pain and our confusion about why He’s not getting us out of the pain.  But He is so much bigger than that.  And we cannot base our view of Him on what is going on in our particular circumstances right now.  Life and faith and God are so much bigger than that.  Immerse yourself in the Word, with the intention of getting to know God better, not just trying to get what you want from Him or figuring out what else you can do to please Him enough so that He will finally give you want you want.



8.  Pray honestly.  Get real with yourself and with the Lord.  And let your pain draw you closer to the Lord, purify your trust in Him, and mature your faith.
            This is possible.  Doubts and pain don’t have to destroy our faith in God.  They can actually make it stronger and more real.  But only if we are willing to be honest about it all with Him (and with ourselves).  Bring everything to Him – all the ugly, displeasing thoughts, all the doubts and fears.  Cry out to Him.  Be honest with Him about everything inside of you. 
            You don’t have to fix it all.  You don’t have to know what to do.  You don’t have to do it all on your own.  You are not alone in your trials and your pain.  He is always waiting for us to cry out to Him, to include Him in our trials, in our need, in our pain, to let Him into the broken parts of our heart so that He can heal them.  But you have to be honest.  To open up the doors that you have closed off in your heart.   
            Bring it all to Him, honestly, openly, humbly.  He can handle it.  He knows it all already; He’s just waiting for us to finally admit it all.  To take off the mask and get real.  To learn how much we really need Him and how much He really loves us, even as the broken, hurting mess that we are.  To finally let Him love us and care for us and comfort us and be our strength when we are weak.
            As you open up more and more of those closed-off parts of your heart, you will experience more and more of His healing, of His goodness and faithfulness.  And your trust in Him will grow, even if life never becomes what you wanted it to be and if you don’t get the answers you expected. 
            When it comes to dealing with anxiety or depression or fear or whatever, I have found it helpful to pray honestly like this: “Lord, I am really feeling anxious and weak right now.  I don’t know what to do and I’m scared.  And so right now, I ask that You would take this anxiety and fear from me and give me Your peace and joy instead.” 
            Make a trade with Him, out loud.  His peace for your fear.  His joy for your pain.  Blunt honesty is sometimes the most healing, helpful way to pray.
            James 4:8: “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”
            Psalm 34:17-18: “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 
            Psalm 86:1-6:  “Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. . . . Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.  Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.  You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call on you.  Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy.”
            Psalm 51:17:  “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”
            [And also, as part of prayer, ask Him if there is anything you need to do to make things right or better.  Ask Him what your responsibility is.  Ask Him for wisdom, to guide you down the right path, and to open and close doors as He sees fit.  And then trust Him to answer these prayers and be willing to wait for His way and His timing.  And know that He often moves a lot slower than we want Him to.  But His pace is always the right timing.  His job is to work it all together for good; your job is to “be still and know that He is God.”]
            And honestly, there might be times when you can’t pray.  And that’s okay, too.  Let others pray for you.  Or listen to some godly music and let the words be your prayers.  Or simply read some good passages in the Bible, such as from the Psalms, and let those be your prayers.  
            And I think that sometimes even silence – heart-breaking, confused, distraught silence, when we are lying helpless at the feet of God, when all we can do is cry “God!  Oh, God!” while He holds onto us – is the purest form of prayer.
            “But the Lord is in his holy temple; let all the earth be silent before him.”  (Habakkuk 2:20)
            “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.  God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”  (Ecc. 5:2)



9.  Pray Scripture back to God
            Another thing to try when you don’t have any words of your own is to pray Scripture back to God.  It’s taking the promises that He has given us in His Word and praying them to Him, basically telling Him which promises we are grabbing onto and trusting Him to fulfill.  Such as ...  

          Prayer for when Anxiety Strikes
            Psalm 55:22:  “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.”
            Philippians 4:6-7:  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
            John 14:27:  “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
            Lord, You say that we can present to You all of our concerns and needs.  You say that You will never let us fall, that You will sustain us, and that we will be filled with Your peace, if we are praying with thanksgiving.  Well, I am pouring out my fears and doubts and concerns right now to You.  I am acknowledging how weak I am and that I need You.  I am casting my cares on You because they are too heavy for me.  They are too much for me to handle, and I need Your help.  I need to put them in Your hands and let go of them because the weight is crushing me. 
            And I thank You for all of Your faithfulness in the past, how You have always helped me through the hard times and have never left me alone.   I thank You that You can carry the things that I can’t.  Now Lord, please, I need Your peace, the kind of peace that protects my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.  I feel scared and vulnerable and fragile and so broken.  I have no peace of my own.  I need Yours, please.  Thank You for being a God that truly cares about us and that won’t leave us alone in our pain.  Thank You for being faithful.  Thank You for being there, even if no one else is.  And I trusting You right now to carry me through this hard time, to work things out in the best way possible.  In Jesus' name.  Amen    

            [Now find your own verses and put them into prayers and pray out loud.  It helps your soul in a deep, supernatural, mysterious way.  Also check out this post: War Rooms, Praying Scripture, and Spiritual Warfare.]  



10.  Forgive.
            Going through painful trials often gives us tunnel-vision.  All we see is how everyone else is treating us wrong and how life is unfair.  And we make the pain worse by dwelling on all the ways we’ve been cheated in life.  We catalog our hurts, the ways people let us down, the ways they treated us poorly, the ways God let us down, etc.  And we grow bitter and more discouraged and more closed-off.   
            Bitterness is a poison.  And it will slowly destroy our relationship with others, our faith, our emotional health, and our physical well-being.  Good never comes from carrying around giant chains of unforgiveness and bitterness.  It only weighs us down, making our futures as pathetic as we think our pasts were.  And it deprives us of the joy, contentment, and the kind of relationship with God that we were meant to have.   
            If you catch yourself dwelling on all the ways life has been unfair, pray and ask God to reveal if there is any heart attitude that you need to deal with and ask forgiveness for.  Is there anyone you need to forgive?  Any grudge you need to let go of?  Any wrong that you need to place in the Lord’s hands, for Him to deal with?  Any heartbreak you haven’t dealt with yet?  Anything you are beating yourself up about, where you need to accept God's forgiveness and forgive yourself? 
            Sometimes, the best way to heal and to deal with pain is to forgive, to let go of bitterness, to ask forgiveness, to make the first move, to forgive ourselves, to accept God’s forgiveness and “go and sin no more.”
            Remember that forgiveness is not a feeling.  It's an action, an act of obedience.  You don't wait to forgive until you feel like it.  You forgive whether you want to or not, and then your feelings will eventually get in line.  But as long as you have unforgiveness (or unconfessed sin) in your heart, you give Satan a foothold and allow him to stay in your mind and affect your life.  Forgive (and confess), if only to boot Satan out, to destroy the hold he has over you, and to free yourself from his chains.  Forgiveness is not really about the other person; it's about your mental/emotional health and your relationship with the Lord.    
            Mark 11:25:  “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”  
            Matthew 6:14-15:  “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
(The rest of this "forgive" section is in the post, "When Forgiveness is Hard.")



11.  Cry when you need to.  Distract yourself if you have to.
              For months after my panic attack last summer, I would wake up nearly daily with anxiety.  I felt very fragile.  Vulnerable.  I could feel this buzzing of anxiety in my brain.  And I was always afraid that it would suddenly overcome me and I would lose control of my mind and begin panicking and end up in the hospital.  And of course, our natural response to that fear is to do our best to control ourselves, to manage our emotions and to keep ourselves together.
            But one day, instead of trying to hold myself together, I began to cry.  To sob.  I was just so exhausted.  And when I was done, I felt better.  More relaxed.  And I realized that sometimes that anxious feeling is really just a need to cry that has been building inside of me.  And I didn’t even need a clear, obvious reason to cry.  I just needed to cry.  To vent it out.
            And so I made myself a mixed CD of the City Harmonic songs that spoke the most to me, that always made me tear up, that always gave me a little hope.  (I own the CDs – in fact I paid for the music twice, one set of CDs for me and one for my mom – so I wasn’t “stealing” the songs.)  And I labeled it “When Anxiety Strikes.”  And I listened to it whenever I felt the buzzing in my brain.  And inevitably, it would make me cry (in a good way) and I would feel a little better.  
            And on other mornings, it helped to distract myself with light-hearted shows on TV.  If I woke up with the feeling of anxiety, I would turn on a show that didn’t have any bad stories or heavy drama, which in my case happened to be Green Acres (reruns on TV) or my 7^th Heaven DVDs – simple shows that are so cheesy that they are relaxing to an anxious mind.  And I would watch it for about an hour, until the anxiety subsided and I had built up the energy to tackle the tasks of the day.
            I tell ya, tackling anxiety or depression isn't for sissies!  If you are dealing with depression and anxiety and yet still manage to get up every day and face life, consider yourself a brave, strong warrior!  A courageous overcomer!  



12.  Decide that you are too tired to be anxious.
        The last time that I felt a panic attack coming on and was afraid that I was going to lose it, I found myself saying, “No!  I can’t do it!  I don’t have the energy to be anxious.  I am too tired.  Lord, You panic for me.  You worry about the worries that threaten me.  Because I am too tired to deal with it all.”  And so I decided to not panic, to not pick up that burden that day.  I was exhausted and didn’t have the energy to be anxious. 
            And oddly enough, that simple decision really helped that day.  The anxiety subsided.  And it hasn’t come on that strongly ever since.  (Although, it does still hit me from time to time in lesser degrees.  It’s still a battle.)



13.  Lighten up.  Decide that it’s time to stop crying.
        You know how I said earlier that sometimes we need to cry, especially when it comes to anxiety.  Well, sometimes, when all you’ve been doing is crying, it’s time to decide that you’ve cried enough.  Sometimes continuing to cry about the same thing happens because we are letting our minds dwell on that thing over and over again.  And we need to “take our thoughts captive” and begin turning our focus to other things. 
            A therapeutic tip: Schedule the times that you will think about the “bad things” and cry.  Maybe once a day for ten minutes or once a week for an hour.  So when the bad thoughts pop up and you feel like crying again, remind yourself that you have a scheduled “cry time” at 8:00 a.m. every Monday morning for an hour.  And write it down – the schedule and the things that pop in your mind throughout the day that you want to think about during that time.  This can be helpful because it lets your mind rest in between the scheduled times and it gives it some relief knowing that you don’t have to try to stuff it forever, that you will eventually let it come out again if it needs to come out.
            And in between “cry times,” lighten up about whatever you can lighten up about.  Find things to laugh about.  Not everything is that dark every day unless you let it be that way.  Find the bright spots, the things that make you smile, such as simply watching the birds in your backyard or a bee flying among flowers.  
            When the problems seem so big and overwhelming, narrow your focus down to one simple thing.  Enjoy one tiny moment!  Marvel at one tiny wonder!  There is still beauty and goodness and delight in the itty-bitty and mundane things that we overlook every day!
            [A few more "therapeutic" tips, some "mind tricks" I use on myself to get through the hard times:  1. Think back on the hardest thing you've been through already, and remind yourself that if you got through that then you'll make it through the new hard time.  2. Remind yourself that this pain won't last forever, that in a month or a year or five years you'll have made it through this and will have gotten over the pain and fear.  And so if "getting over it" is inevitable eventually, why not just get over it now, skipping the extended time of pain and fear?  3. Let's be realistic, we will all probably face worse times in the future someday.  And so someday we might actually look back on today, even with all its pain and problems, as "the good old days."  Someday we may regret that we didn't enjoy today for the blessing it was, that we didn't realize it was a good day when we had it.  Don't wait for a bigger tragedy to make you realize today was a good day.  Start considering it a "good day" now.  4. I personally find encouragement in reminding myself that Jesus could come back at any moment.  And if I knew He was coming back soon, would I be so stressed or upset about whatever concerns me today?  No.  I would realize that it barely mattered in the grand scheme of things, and I would be living for eternity.  Even if it sounds a bit like fantasy, the truth is that Jesus could come back any day, interrupting today's struggles and trials.  So why waste so much time dwelling on them?  5. Sometimes when I wake up with feelings of anxiety or panic, I'll worry that something will go wrong that day, which makes me more anxious.  And so I literally have to tell myself that what I'm feeling is not anxiety, that it's just the normal feelings of a body waking up - the blood pumping, the heart beating faster, the nerves becoming active.  (I don't care if it sounds like I'm lying to myself.  The point is to keep myself from talking myself into anxiety.)  Also, I remind myself that I've felt anxiety nearly every morning since my panic attack in 2016, and yet nearly every day has turned out just fine.  So those anxious feelings cannot be trusted and do not predict what kind of day I'll have.  Yes, I've had some big upsets and trials, but most days go by without any trouble, except for the trouble I cause myself by worrying.]  



14.  Sing.  A lot.
            I have learned that it is important to sing throughout the day - out loud - to some fun music or for no reason at all.  Just sing.  If you can keep singing, no matter what life hands you, then you are going to be okay.  The times you feel least like singing are probably the times you need to the most!  



15.  Count your own blessings, not someone else’s.  And be thankful for the things that haven’t happened.
            Part of dealing with the trials and the pain is to count our own blessings, not the blessings that others get, which only makes us bitter.  And when we are so focused on our own pain, it’s hard to remember that others have pain, too.  Sometimes way worse than we do. 
            And I think it’s important to also remember to be thankful for the bad things that haven’t happened to you, the trials that you’ve been spared from.  The newspaper headlines that didn’t have your name in them.  There are so many things that could’ve happened to me or my family but that haven’t.  And thinking of all the things we have been spared from makes me thankful for my trials and my pain.  Because I know it could be so much worse.
            If you take the blessings in your life for granted, all you are left with is the pain.  One helpful thing to do is to start a notebook where you keep a running list of the blessings that God has given you (read Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts).  Basic things like enough food to eat or strength to lift heavy things or legs to walk.  Simple, overlooked things like a pretty sunset or an interesting rock you found on a walk or a goldfinch at your birdfeeder.  Or more “hidden blessings,” the silver linings on the storm clouds.
            Maybe set a goal for yourself, such as writing down 10 things a day.  The harder discouragement strikes, the more deliberate we have to be about looking for the good.     
            Philippians 4:6-7:  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
            Notice that “with thanksgiving” is part of what helps us find that “peace in God,” even in the face of the things that make us anxious.  Do not forget the “thanksgiving” part.  It is critical to the health of your faith and your mind.
            It’s not what actually happens that has the biggest effect on us.  It’s what we choose to focus on - to remember about it, to learn from it all - that will affect us and our futures, long after the original hurts happened.  (A truth retold by Ann Voskamp in her book, The Broken Way: a daring path into the abundant life.)
            We can’t change the past, but we can change how we let it affect our futures.  Count your blessings.  Be thankful for the tragedies that have never happened to you.  Find the silver linings, the beautiful lessons and truths that came from the pain.  Watch carefully where your mind goes because it will affect your thoughts, feelings, views, and future.  Stop the negative ones immediately (pray them over to God) and replace them with godly truths. 
            And personally, I recommend that when you are going through the really hard times, listen daily to some uplifting Christian music.  Fill your heart, mind, and home with it.  I believe that it will help protect you and your faith. 
            Demons are attracted to negativity and discouragement and anxiety and fear, etc.  And if you give yourself over to those negative things, you give them “open doors” and “welcome mats” and will be more vulnerable to attack.  But filling your home and mind with godly music is repulsive to them and it will keep them back more, protecting you more from attack and giving you time to gather your strength.
            You don’t believe me?
            “Whenever the [evil spirit sent by God to torment him] came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play.  Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.”  (1 Samuel 16:23) 
            There is power – good or bad – in the music we listen to, in what we fill our minds with.    
            Philippians 4:8:  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.”
        Proverbs 4:23:  “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”



16.  Learn to praise Him in the pain and to trust that He walks through it with you and will bring some good out of it.    
            Likewise, I think that praising God – even in the pain - also protects us.  It makes us less vulnerable to the attacks of the Evil One and protects our hearts, minds, and faith more.
            I am not one of those who thinks you have to thank God for the pain, for the heartbreaks, for the tragedies.  It’s masochistic to thank God for divorce or abuse or disease or death, etc.  And feeling like we have to thank Him for these things can hurt our relationship with Him and our trust of Him.  None of this stuff was in God’s original creation when He looked at the world and at people and said, “It is good!”  These are all effects of the Fall, of evil.  And I don’t think we have to be thankful for them, because that would be being thankful that evil ruined God's perfect creation and perfect plans.  And God Himself didn’t even want these things or plan for things to be this way.
            Bad things are because of us and because of evil.  And so I do not think we need to thank God for them, as though He deliberately caused them and wanted us to have them.  (Not that He doesn’t deliberately cause “bad” things at particular times throughout history.  But I think it’s generally more that He “allows” them.)
            He allows us to affect things.  He allows the bad things to happen.  But even if He didn’t deliberately cause them, He did allow them because He knows how to work it all into His plans and how to turn it all into good.  And He can help us through the painful trials.  We don’t face them on our own.  He is there with us, guiding us and giving us the strength and wisdom and peace to get through it all (if only we will accept His help).  And eventually, He will make all wrongs right again and do away with evil (and its effects) for good.
            Romans 8:28:  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 
            And if nothing else, that is what we can praise Him for.  We don't have to praise Him for the pain, but we can praise Him for the blessings that come from the pain.  We can praise Him that He holds everything in His hands, that nothing that happens to us happens without His knowledge and consent, that He allows whatever He does because He knows how it can be used for good, that He gives us the strength to face the hard times, that He cries with us when we hurt, that He holds us when we ache, that He carries us when we can’t stand anymore, and that eventually He will make all things right again.
            Even when we hurt, there are plenty of things to be thankful for and plenty of positive spiritual lessons that come from the pain.  Take the time to write these down, to thank God for them.  It will help you in the hard times.



17.  Have a plan to "pray, praise, read, and sing"!            
           When you find your mind crossing over to the dark side, when negative or complainy or panicked thoughts begin to fill your head, try to follow this plan which combines some of the above tips:  
            First pray out loud about the thing that's bothering you, sharing with God what's really bothering you or what you're afraid of, and inviting Him to handle it.  Tell Him you trust Him.  And if you aren't sure you do, then ask Him to help you trust Him.  Ask Him to help you see things the way He does.  Ask Him to send His heavenly angels to protect you from evil while you feel vulnerable and weak.  
            (If you know or wonder if what you're feeling or thinking is a demonic attack, then say this out loud, "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command any demons to leave this place and to leave my family alone.  I belong to Jesus, and you have no right to be here."  However, you should first consider if they do have any rights to be there - if you opened the door to them in any way by your choices, your mindset, disobedience to the Lord, by backsliding in your faith, etc.  You may need to get that in order first - confessing your sins to the Lord and asking forgiveness - before the demons will leave.  If you've given them a right to be there, they will stay as long as possible.)
            Second, thank God for something out loud - anything and everything you can think of.  Write it down if you want.  Fill your mind and heart and mouth with praise.
            Third, read a Bible verse out loud that fits your situation or your fear.  Read it out loud as many times as needed.  Write it down.  Turn it into a prayer.
            Fourth, sing a praise song out loud or listen to one.  Music can speak to us in ways other things can't.  Music can bypass our anxious thoughts and get deep into our souls.
            Fifth, pray for someone else, for anyone or everyone you can think of who needs help.  This turns our focus outward instead of getting us too focused on our own little life, problems, and feelings.  And this is particularly applicable if what you're upset over is that person.  Turn your complaints right into prayers for them, instead of complaining and growing bitter.
            (And sixth, if need be, tell someone what you're going through and ask them to pray for you.  Sometimes, we need others to help us, when we feel too weak to help ourselves.)
            The reason I think this is a good plan is because, as I said earlier, evil thrives on negativity and fear.  And we open the door to evil more when we give in to negativity and fear.  Sometimes, the fear and anxious thoughts are part of spiritual warfare.  And so they need to be dealt with as such, with spiritual weapons.  Pray, praise, read, and sing.  Out loud.  Doing these things is repulsive to demons.  It will make you less susceptible to their influence and attack because it builds you up in the Lord and because it repels demons.  Turning their attacks right into prayers and praise is one way to turn the tide on them, to win the battle!
            If you are going through a particularly hard stretch of time, make this a daily plan.  You can never go wrong with more prayer, praise, reading, and singing! 
             


18.  Remember that suicide is not an option!  If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, tell someone or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255



             Yes, I may be broken.
                  But that’s okay.

            Because I know the One who specializes in fashioning beautiful things out of jagged, broken, messy pieces.  I am going to be okay.  And you are going to be okay. 
            Just give the ugly, broken pieces to the Creator of beautiful things ... and see what He can do with them.

          It’s okay to fall apart in front of the One who can put you back together.

This is my favorite gazing ball.  It's made from "broken" pieces.