Struggling? Pray and then Write the Truth!
I need to say this out loud, get it out of my head. I have been struggling with fear the past so many days. And it's not even over anything huge, except that it's huge to me.
My youngest son has a small cavity on the side of one of his molars. And it's deep enough that it should get filled. But after struggling through baby bottle tooth decay with my third son (and making all sorts of healthy food changes because of it), cavities and teeth problems have become one of my greatest fears.
I wish it weren't so, but it can send me into near panic attacks when I know one of the kids has a tooth problem.
I have been treating the cavity with a remineralization toothpaste (but unfortunately, we are not eating as healthy as we used to so it's no surprise that he has a problem). And I am so hoping and praying that the paste works, that it fills in the hole like it did for my other son.
But it's taking a long time. It's filled in about halfway, but I don't know if it's going to work all the way. Or if I will end up wasting months hoping and praying it works only to have it work halfway and then stop and then need to get drilled anyway.
Every morning, I wake up with a pit in my stomach over it, wanting it to work right now but trying to become ok if it's not God's plan to heal it that way, if we need to simply get a filling.
Every morning, I wake up with a pit in my stomach over it, wanting it to work right now but trying to become ok if it's not God's plan to heal it that way, if we need to simply get a filling.
I don't do good with waiting for things like this. I want my answer to prayer so badly sometimes, right away. And it hurts to wait. Also, sometimes, I just wish God spoke really clearly, as in "The paste will work" or "Go get it filled." It causes anxiety to try to figure out what He's saying and if I'm hearing Him correctly or not. To know how He is guiding or what His wisdom says to do.
I think for me, I struggle with this kind of thing so much because to fill it means I failed. For years I cried over and sweated over the baby bottle tooth decay with my other son, and it affected me so deeply that I never wanted to deal with tooth problems again.
His BBTD was a turning point in my spirit, the "first" of many problems that turned my heart and life upside down. I was never the same after that. So I kinda look back on the BBTD as one of the most damaging trials I ever went through, because it was the point at which my life went from enjoyable to purely stressful.
I guess somewhere deep down, I feel like since I tried so hard and fought with it so long and made so many healthy changes because of it that I somehow "deserved" to not have more tooth problems, like if we do get tooth problems then it means all my efforts and prayers failed. It's like pouring your heart and soul into something only to have it fail in the end. (Not only that, but if I "failed" in keeping my kids teeth healthy then I failed them for life. They would forever have a filling to prove my inadequacy. And that filling would always be a weak spot in their tooth because decay grows around and under fillings, leading to the need to get them refilled periodically, drilling away a bit more tooth each time. Ugh! That's nightmare-inducing for me.)
His BBTD was a turning point in my spirit, the "first" of many problems that turned my heart and life upside down. I was never the same after that. So I kinda look back on the BBTD as one of the most damaging trials I ever went through, because it was the point at which my life went from enjoyable to purely stressful.
I guess somewhere deep down, I feel like since I tried so hard and fought with it so long and made so many healthy changes because of it that I somehow "deserved" to not have more tooth problems, like if we do get tooth problems then it means all my efforts and prayers failed. It's like pouring your heart and soul into something only to have it fail in the end. (Not only that, but if I "failed" in keeping my kids teeth healthy then I failed them for life. They would forever have a filling to prove my inadequacy. And that filling would always be a weak spot in their tooth because decay grows around and under fillings, leading to the need to get them refilled periodically, drilling away a bit more tooth each time. Ugh! That's nightmare-inducing for me.)
And I guess that's what gets me the most about it. Sometimes I wish that all the struggling we did and efforts we put in helped us to end up exactly where we wanted to be, free from the problems we don't want.
But I know that's not how life is. And I hate that!
I long for the day that all the struggle is over. I long for the day that life isn't so much work. That we can relax without keeping one eye open, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Part of why the trials (even the smallest ones) always feel so hard to me is that I have had very few people to lean on, to help me along the way. As the oldest of six with a very busy working mom who has her own relational struggles and with a father who I had no relationship with and with two ex-step-dads who are out of the picture and with a current step-dad who is more like a very distant uncle, I have always felt like I was on my own, like it's all been "up to me." If I wanted to get somewhere in life, I had to figure out how to get there. I had to deal with the obstacles that came up. I had to put all the pieces together all by myself, as best I could. I had to cry on my own shoulder when I struggled or hurt. Because I didn't lean on family at all. It was all up to me to make it work, to keep all the balls in the air, to put my chin up and carry on.
But I can't do that anymore. I'm not strong enough.
But I know that's not how life is. And I hate that!
I long for the day that all the struggle is over. I long for the day that life isn't so much work. That we can relax without keeping one eye open, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Part of why the trials (even the smallest ones) always feel so hard to me is that I have had very few people to lean on, to help me along the way. As the oldest of six with a very busy working mom who has her own relational struggles and with a father who I had no relationship with and with two ex-step-dads who are out of the picture and with a current step-dad who is more like a very distant uncle, I have always felt like I was on my own, like it's all been "up to me." If I wanted to get somewhere in life, I had to figure out how to get there. I had to deal with the obstacles that came up. I had to put all the pieces together all by myself, as best I could. I had to cry on my own shoulder when I struggled or hurt. Because I didn't lean on family at all. It was all up to me to make it work, to keep all the balls in the air, to put my chin up and carry on.
But I can't do that anymore. I'm not strong enough.
Everyday, I just keep trying to do my best (which is exhausting), praying that God guides and provides along the way, praying that He comes back soon. I'm just so tired of the struggle.
I'm not writing this post because I have some great wisdom to share or life lesson to pass on. I am writing this just because I am struggling and sick to my stomach every morning over this. So I am trying to vent it out to see if it helps.
It's just the honest cry of a hurting heart.
I can't wait for the day that we don't have to struggle with these things, that things are made right again. And at least I have that hope. How terrible it must be to have to live through the problems and fears of this life but without the hope of God making it all better in the end. That would be the worst. At least I know that no matter the problem, God is walking with me and watching over me and already has it all worked out for my good in the end.
That beautiful truth brings good tears to my eyes and it helps relax my fears and my tight stomach a bit.
Thank You, Lord, for Your promise to return and to make it all right again! Thank You for promising to give us wisdom when we need it and to help keep us on the straight path, if we follow You. Thank You!
Lord, like Elisha's servant seeing the armies of God protecting them (2 Kings 6:16-17), give me eyes to see that You are with me, that You have not left me on my own to struggle through life's problems. Please, help me shoulder the burdens. Help me know I am not alone. Help me remember that You don't leave us or forsake us, that You are always there helping us along the way. I know this is what the Bible say is true, so I believe it's true ... but I need to feel it's true. Please, help me. I need that truth to correct the sick feeling I get in my stomach when I feel like fixing everything is "up to me," and like if I can't fix it then I have "failed as a mom."
Alright, so I've prayed about it. Now I want to write the truth about my concern. The truth can calm irrational fears. The truth can defeat Satan's lies.
TRUTH:
1. It's not the end of the world if he has to get a filling. Most of us have fillings and we live full, healthy lives anyway.
2. If he has to get a filling, it doesn't mean I'm a failure as a mom, it just means that he had to get a filling, that I am human and can't fix every problem.
3. If he has to get a filling, it doesn't mean God wasn't listening to my prayers or didn't care. It just means that He chose not to answer my prayer the way I wanted and that I had to "fix" it like everyone else, through the dentist. And I can thank God that we have modern dental treatments, that we can get fillings instead of having our teeth rot out of our heads, getting them pulled, and then getting wooden teeth.
4. It's not all "up to me" to solve my family's problems. I am not alone. The Lord does promise to guide us and keep us on the straight path (Proverbs 3:5-6), if we will humble ourselves before Him and submit to Him.
5. This fear is not from God, but from the devil. God does not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). And I can ask God to help me grab onto that truth, to open my eyes to what's really going on here, to see that it's not just a physical battle but a spiritual one, that our ultimate battle is not against flesh and blood but against the evil spiritual forces that are bent on destroying us (Ephesians 6:12). I can submit myself to God, resist the devil and then the devil will flee (James 4:7).
I don't need to wake up everyday with a sick stomach over this issue. I can give this burden to God and ask Him to guide and provide. And then I can rest in the truth that He will help me along the right path, that He will give me the wisdom when I need it (James 1:5) and that He will be with me through it all (Deuteronomy 31:8). I am not left to do battle on my own. The Lord fights with me and for me (Exodus 14:14).
6. I am doing the best I can. And now my job is to be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10). He can handle the things I can't. He is a good Father who loves us and will help us. And no matter what happens, ultimately He will make everything work for good (Romans 8:28), even if it takes a lot of time or happens in ways I don't like or understand.
When Satan reminds us of our problems and makes us feel like we are "on our own," we need to remind him (and ourselves) of who God is and what He can do.
When fear and Satan's lies threaten to overwhelm us, we need to remind ourselves of the Truth. The truth will set us free!
Bible Verses:
2 Kings 6:16-17: "'Don't be afraid,' the prophet answered. 'Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.' And Elisha prayed, 'O Lord, open his eyes so he may see.' Then the Lord opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha."
I'm not writing this post because I have some great wisdom to share or life lesson to pass on. I am writing this just because I am struggling and sick to my stomach every morning over this. So I am trying to vent it out to see if it helps.
It's just the honest cry of a hurting heart.
I can't wait for the day that we don't have to struggle with these things, that things are made right again. And at least I have that hope. How terrible it must be to have to live through the problems and fears of this life but without the hope of God making it all better in the end. That would be the worst. At least I know that no matter the problem, God is walking with me and watching over me and already has it all worked out for my good in the end.
That beautiful truth brings good tears to my eyes and it helps relax my fears and my tight stomach a bit.
Thank You, Lord, for Your promise to return and to make it all right again! Thank You for promising to give us wisdom when we need it and to help keep us on the straight path, if we follow You. Thank You!
Lord, like Elisha's servant seeing the armies of God protecting them (2 Kings 6:16-17), give me eyes to see that You are with me, that You have not left me on my own to struggle through life's problems. Please, help me shoulder the burdens. Help me know I am not alone. Help me remember that You don't leave us or forsake us, that You are always there helping us along the way. I know this is what the Bible say is true, so I believe it's true ... but I need to feel it's true. Please, help me. I need that truth to correct the sick feeling I get in my stomach when I feel like fixing everything is "up to me," and like if I can't fix it then I have "failed as a mom."
Alright, so I've prayed about it. Now I want to write the truth about my concern. The truth can calm irrational fears. The truth can defeat Satan's lies.
TRUTH:
1. It's not the end of the world if he has to get a filling. Most of us have fillings and we live full, healthy lives anyway.
2. If he has to get a filling, it doesn't mean I'm a failure as a mom, it just means that he had to get a filling, that I am human and can't fix every problem.
3. If he has to get a filling, it doesn't mean God wasn't listening to my prayers or didn't care. It just means that He chose not to answer my prayer the way I wanted and that I had to "fix" it like everyone else, through the dentist. And I can thank God that we have modern dental treatments, that we can get fillings instead of having our teeth rot out of our heads, getting them pulled, and then getting wooden teeth.
4. It's not all "up to me" to solve my family's problems. I am not alone. The Lord does promise to guide us and keep us on the straight path (Proverbs 3:5-6), if we will humble ourselves before Him and submit to Him.
5. This fear is not from God, but from the devil. God does not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). And I can ask God to help me grab onto that truth, to open my eyes to what's really going on here, to see that it's not just a physical battle but a spiritual one, that our ultimate battle is not against flesh and blood but against the evil spiritual forces that are bent on destroying us (Ephesians 6:12). I can submit myself to God, resist the devil and then the devil will flee (James 4:7).
I don't need to wake up everyday with a sick stomach over this issue. I can give this burden to God and ask Him to guide and provide. And then I can rest in the truth that He will help me along the right path, that He will give me the wisdom when I need it (James 1:5) and that He will be with me through it all (Deuteronomy 31:8). I am not left to do battle on my own. The Lord fights with me and for me (Exodus 14:14).
6. I am doing the best I can. And now my job is to be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10). He can handle the things I can't. He is a good Father who loves us and will help us. And no matter what happens, ultimately He will make everything work for good (Romans 8:28), even if it takes a lot of time or happens in ways I don't like or understand.
When Satan reminds us of our problems and makes us feel like we are "on our own," we need to remind him (and ourselves) of who God is and what He can do.
When fear and Satan's lies threaten to overwhelm us, we need to remind ourselves of the Truth. The truth will set us free!
Bible Verses:
2 Kings 6:16-17: "'Don't be afraid,' the prophet answered. 'Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.' And Elisha prayed, 'O Lord, open his eyes so he may see.' Then the Lord opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha."
Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity [fear], but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline [sound mind]."
Ephesians 6:12: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
James 4:7-8: "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you."
James 1:5 (italics added): "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
Deuteronomy 31:8: "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Exodus 14:13-14: "... 'Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see te deliverance the Lord will bring you today.... The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Psalm 46:10: "Be still, and know that I am God...."
Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him...."
