Sorry ... But I'm Not Buying That Crap!

            A famous actress recently said that monogamy is hard.  And she said that monogamy being hard for everyone is proof that it’s not natural.  And, therefore, the obviously conclusion is that because it’s not natural, we shouldn’t have to abide by such an unnatural restriction. 

            How sad!  And how tragic that young people will look up to her and her advice and use it as an excuse to live any way they want. 

            What she’s saying is that how easy something is or how fun it is or how much we desire to do it determines how “natural” it is.  And since we can’t fight what’s "natural," we should just go with it and do it.  We should let our desires be our guide for right and wrong.   

            Can you even imagine the kinds of horrifying scenarios this could lead to!?! 

            I can. 

            I hear about them every day in the news and from people I know.  I hear about the broken families and broken hearts left in the wake of this kind of thinking.  I hear about the sexually-transmitted diseases that swallow up our young people and the unwanted pregnancies that lead to unwanted children or aborted lives.  I hear about the drugs and alcohol that ruin lives and families.  I hear about the affairs that destroy trust and tear families apart and hurt everyone, even the ones who were just doing whatever “came naturally and felt good.”  I hear about the families who suffer while a parent puts their own happiness and fulfillment first.  I hear about the violent acts that people do to others because “it’s what they wanted to do, it’s what felt good to them,” with no regard for the victim.

            Oh, yeah!  “Go out and do what comes naturally to you” sounds like great advice, doesn’t it!?! 

            Until you get hurt and end up hurting others.  It’s like playing with the tail end of a cobra.  It seems harmless and safe and fun . . . until you come face-to-face with the other end of it.  And a cobra’s tail always ends in a cobra’s head.

            The truth is that the right thing to do is not always the easy thing to do.  In fact, the right thing is often the hard thing, the self-sacrificial thing.  The right thing is usually the one that pays off in the long run, not in the heat of the moment.  It’s the thing that works for the good of those around you, not just what satisfies your own selfish desires.  It’s the thing that requires discipline and will-power and integrity, not the thing that lets you live according to animalistic drives and passions.  It leads to treasures that last and it meets the deep needs of your soul, instead of leading to temporary pleasures that meet some temporary fleshly desire. 

            Living for temporary pleasures is often the enemy of finding meaningful, lasting treasures. 

            Don’t let “Do what comes naturally” be your guide.

            Let “Live with integrity and do the right thing, even if it’s the hard thing” be your guide.  That is the more sure way to finding fulfillment that lasts, to being able to live with yourself and those you love for the long run. 

            I can only hope and pray that my wonderful sons’ future wives don’t buy into the “do whatever you feel like and whatever is easiest” crap.  I hope and pray that they and their wives will know the kind of safe, secure, stable relationship that my husband and I have in our monogamous relationship, in a relationship where we have only been with each other. 

            There is nothing quite like the security and safety of knowing that you are with someone who has committed to you – and to you alone  - and that you are both committed to working through the hard times together, instead of bailing when things get tough or boring or when someone’s not getting their way. 

            A good marriage is not about getting temporary desires fulfilled.  It’s about building something strong, something that lasts, something that will be your safe place (and your children’s safe place) in a difficult world.  It won’t be perfect and it won’t always be easy, but that’s why it’s called a “marriage vow.”  It's not an act to symbolize current love; it's a promise of future commitment.  It’s a commitment to live life together – through the good, the bad, and the ugly – and to work through the hard times as a team, for the good of the family and for lasting contentment.    

            It makes me sad that so many people are unwilling to make that kind of promise, that they won't get married because it's too risky yet they will settle for sharing their bodies with someone who has not made any kind of real commitment to them.  It makes me sad that people break their marriage vows because they are bored or want something more exciting, that they are so selfish and self-centered that they put their own "needs" over the needs of their family.  It makes me sad that many people will never know the kind of safe, secure relationship that my husband and I have, that they are willing to trade in a stable relationship for ones that are more flashy and exciting and temporary.   

            I can’t do anything for those people, but I can raise my sons to reject the “Whatever feels good is the right choice” nonsense.  I want more for them! 

            FYI: I'm not writing this for the actress, who doesn't need some nobody from nowhere telling her what to think.  And I'm not writing it for those who couldn't care less about such "old-fashioned" notions as monogamy and integrity and faithfulness.  I am writing this for the very few people out there who are wondering if there is more to life than short-term relationships, random sex, one-night stands, the fear of disease and unwanted pregnancy, temporary satisfaction, broken hearts, broken families, etc. 

            Yes, there is more to life and relationships than that.  But you have to be willing to work for it and to sacrifice for it and to be patient and exercise self-control.  And this is something far too few people are willing to do nowadays, especially when they've grown up on a moral diet of "follow your heart, think only of yourself, choose the easiest option, and do whatever feels good."  And sadly, our families and society are paying the price for it. 

            Temporary pleasures aren't cheap!  They come with long-lasting, expensive price tags that you don't know about until after you buy into it.  But a good marriage is like a long-term investment.  You have to plan ahead for it and save yourself for it!  And this is hard to do in a society that likes things cheap and easy and disposable.  I don't know about you, but I don't want a "disposable" marriage.  And I pray that my sons don't find themselves in one either.              

[And to a certain celebrity who doesn’t seem to understand “cause and effect”:  If you dress like a sex object and act like a sex object, you can't be shocked if some guy talks to you like you're a sex object.  If you want to be treated with respect, have some dignity and respect yourself enough first so that you set an example for how you expect to be treated.]  


(reposted from my other blog)