Guidance Comes Only When We Need It
I feel so relieved this morning. Relieved and nervous. My oldest son has just graduated from homeschool high school this year. And he is registering today at the community college.
I strongly believe in homeschooling, but I am not my own best cheerleader or supporter. I have had many doubts and fears (to the point of being stress-sick) about how well I am raising them, how prepared they'll be for the future, if I am going to fail them academically, etc.
And knowing that he's graduating and going on to college is scary, because now everyone else can see how I've done and judge me for it. And now we'll find out if he has to pay a price for any inadequacies and failures of mine.
Anyway, part of my fear came from not knowing how to direct him when it came to picking a major or classes or a plan for the future. He hasn't been sure of what he wants to do. He has a couple ideas, but he wasn't sure. So at first, we told him to just get his Associates of Science, giving him the ability to transfer to a four-year college.
But as we looked this past week through the required subjects and classes for this AS degree - English, Science, History, Math, etc. - none of them seemed like him, like they were classes he would want to sit through or subjects he would want to study. They seemed more like a waste of time and money. More stress for him, getting graded on classes he wasn't really interested in.
So here it was ... time to finally release him into the world to build the vocational foundation for the rest of his life ... and I had no idea how to guide him, no idea which path was the "right path."
How do you take a step forward when you have no idea which step to take? How and when does God lead us?
In this situation, it was as it so often is ... at the last minute!
I have prayed for years that God would help us guide our children, help us to help them figure out the best path for their life, the strengths and interests He has given them, which career would best suit them.
And with my oldest, for years, it seemed like architecture was his passion. But over the years, I began to see that he is very much an indoor, at-a-desk, computer kind of kid. (One of the benefits of homeschooling is the extra time they have to work on their own pursuits, which in his case was being on the computer, designing video games or writing stories or whatever.) But still not being sure, we figured the AS degree would be most flexible for him and let him go on to a bigger school later.
But I just don't see him wanting to go on for lots of schooling. So that would be a waste of time and money and effort. But still, not knowing any other way, we looked at the AS core subjects and tried to pick the best classes to suit him.
Classes which had nothing to do with the things he loved most.
This AS degree just didn't fit. But I had no idea how else to guide him. And since he was registering in two days, there wasn't much time to "solve the puzzle."
Two days just isn't enough time! Not when you have no clue where you're headed or how to get there.
But you know what?
Two days is plenty of time for God ... who knows exactly where it's all headed and how to get there. I don't have to know how to solve the puzzle. All I have to do is listen to the One who does know, placing each piece as He tells me to, one at a time.
Two days ago, I figured I'd have my son look through the electives, so that he could give his advisor not just an idea of the core classes he wanted but also of the "extras," to help determine a better two-year plan.
And after he looked through the course catalog and picked the ones he was interested in, I noticed that they all were some kind of graphic design/computer class. Every single one of them. This totally confirmed that all the core AS classes were an ill-fit. He was already zeroed in on one particular subject.
And then last night, looking at the course catalog around 9 p.m., my eyes flitted over the sentence which said that the Associates of Science is meant for those who are transferring to a four-year college. And I instantly knew deep down that going to a four-year college wasn't for him at this point. Which meant this AS degree wasn't for him. Which meant that he needed a new plan ASAP because he was picking classes in the morning.
And so I decided to quickly browse through the other courses of study offered at the school, something other than the Associates of Science or Arts.
And there is was ... an Associates of Applied Science in Digital Media. A course of study which just happened to have basically all the electives he picked out as part of their basic core classes.
I had never before even noticed the Applied Science degrees. I came from a world of Associates of Science or Arts, of going on to a four-year college and then to graduate school. I never thought to even look at the Applied Science degrees ... until God directed me to them at 9 p.m. the night before registration.
I showed it to my son, who was instantly interested in that course of study. And with that, my son had a new path, one that fits him so much better and will allow him to zero in on the education he wants, getting rid of all the fluff and the classes he doesn't want. It feels like a perfect fit.
And all this time, I had no idea it was there. I had no idea that this was the right path for him.
But God did.
And He highlighted this path - the next step to take - the night before. Not years before. Not when he was younger and I prayed about guiding him and helping him figure out his future. Not even the week before.
But the night before. Just when we needed it most.
(Of course, my son could have switched tracks after starting this semester's classes, but it would have made me heart-sick to know he was having to struggle through and get graded on classes he didn't really want or need. And that we would have to pay for them. And that he was wasting years on extra classes which had nothing to do with what he wanted to do in life.)
Lord, If there's one thing I'm learning about You, it's how often You give us the wisdom and the resources we need at the moment we need it, at the last minute, but not usually before that.
I strongly believe in homeschooling, but I am not my own best cheerleader or supporter. I have had many doubts and fears (to the point of being stress-sick) about how well I am raising them, how prepared they'll be for the future, if I am going to fail them academically, etc.
And knowing that he's graduating and going on to college is scary, because now everyone else can see how I've done and judge me for it. And now we'll find out if he has to pay a price for any inadequacies and failures of mine.
Anyway, part of my fear came from not knowing how to direct him when it came to picking a major or classes or a plan for the future. He hasn't been sure of what he wants to do. He has a couple ideas, but he wasn't sure. So at first, we told him to just get his Associates of Science, giving him the ability to transfer to a four-year college.
But as we looked this past week through the required subjects and classes for this AS degree - English, Science, History, Math, etc. - none of them seemed like him, like they were classes he would want to sit through or subjects he would want to study. They seemed more like a waste of time and money. More stress for him, getting graded on classes he wasn't really interested in.
So here it was ... time to finally release him into the world to build the vocational foundation for the rest of his life ... and I had no idea how to guide him, no idea which path was the "right path."
How do you take a step forward when you have no idea which step to take? How and when does God lead us?
In this situation, it was as it so often is ... at the last minute!
I have prayed for years that God would help us guide our children, help us to help them figure out the best path for their life, the strengths and interests He has given them, which career would best suit them.
And with my oldest, for years, it seemed like architecture was his passion. But over the years, I began to see that he is very much an indoor, at-a-desk, computer kind of kid. (One of the benefits of homeschooling is the extra time they have to work on their own pursuits, which in his case was being on the computer, designing video games or writing stories or whatever.) But still not being sure, we figured the AS degree would be most flexible for him and let him go on to a bigger school later.
But I just don't see him wanting to go on for lots of schooling. So that would be a waste of time and money and effort. But still, not knowing any other way, we looked at the AS core subjects and tried to pick the best classes to suit him.
Classes which had nothing to do with the things he loved most.
This AS degree just didn't fit. But I had no idea how else to guide him. And since he was registering in two days, there wasn't much time to "solve the puzzle."
Two days just isn't enough time! Not when you have no clue where you're headed or how to get there.
But you know what?
Two days is plenty of time for God ... who knows exactly where it's all headed and how to get there. I don't have to know how to solve the puzzle. All I have to do is listen to the One who does know, placing each piece as He tells me to, one at a time.
Two days ago, I figured I'd have my son look through the electives, so that he could give his advisor not just an idea of the core classes he wanted but also of the "extras," to help determine a better two-year plan.
And after he looked through the course catalog and picked the ones he was interested in, I noticed that they all were some kind of graphic design/computer class. Every single one of them. This totally confirmed that all the core AS classes were an ill-fit. He was already zeroed in on one particular subject.
And then last night, looking at the course catalog around 9 p.m., my eyes flitted over the sentence which said that the Associates of Science is meant for those who are transferring to a four-year college. And I instantly knew deep down that going to a four-year college wasn't for him at this point. Which meant this AS degree wasn't for him. Which meant that he needed a new plan ASAP because he was picking classes in the morning.
And so I decided to quickly browse through the other courses of study offered at the school, something other than the Associates of Science or Arts.
And there is was ... an Associates of Applied Science in Digital Media. A course of study which just happened to have basically all the electives he picked out as part of their basic core classes.
I had never before even noticed the Applied Science degrees. I came from a world of Associates of Science or Arts, of going on to a four-year college and then to graduate school. I never thought to even look at the Applied Science degrees ... until God directed me to them at 9 p.m. the night before registration.
I showed it to my son, who was instantly interested in that course of study. And with that, my son had a new path, one that fits him so much better and will allow him to zero in on the education he wants, getting rid of all the fluff and the classes he doesn't want. It feels like a perfect fit.
And all this time, I had no idea it was there. I had no idea that this was the right path for him.
But God did.
And He highlighted this path - the next step to take - the night before. Not years before. Not when he was younger and I prayed about guiding him and helping him figure out his future. Not even the week before.
But the night before. Just when we needed it most.
(Of course, my son could have switched tracks after starting this semester's classes, but it would have made me heart-sick to know he was having to struggle through and get graded on classes he didn't really want or need. And that we would have to pay for them. And that he was wasting years on extra classes which had nothing to do with what he wanted to do in life.)
Lord, If there's one thing I'm learning about You, it's how often You give us the wisdom and the resources we need at the moment we need it, at the last minute, but not usually before that.
How often I stress myself out thinking You are not going to come through for me, thinking that You don't hear me or that You are taking too long! And yet how often You have shown me that the answer was coming, that it would be there when we needed it.
Oh, the time and energy I have wasted! Being so faithless, so afraid that You would let us down.
But You never do! If only I walked more in the assurance that You would come through for me instead of walking in the fear that "it's all up to me because God just isn't handling it," how much less anxious I would be!
You don't give us what we need before we need it, but only when we need it. And if I reminded myself regularly of how often You come through for us, giving us the wisdom and resources we need when we need it, I would relax more and trust You more with the next concern, instead of sweating the times when You seem to be too quiet or taking too long in answering.
Your guidance and providence always seem to be there when it's needed, but never before. May I learn to relax in You, to trust that it will be there, if only I wait on You in trust and peace and watch for Your leading. And may I remember that You love my family even more than I do and that You want the best for them, too. And so I can trust You to guide them in life. I can trust that You will be there for them, helping them along the path You know is best for them and keeping them safe in Your hands. You do not fail or abandon those You love. So I know that I can entrust to You those I love. Thank You for Your faithfulness, even when I myself can be so faithless.
And so, Lord, I need to now hand over to You my other concerns, things that are on my mind. Time and time again, You've shown me how faithful You are to answer my prayers, even if You don't do it as quickly as I want or in the way I want. Please help me learn to rest in You, to trust that You are working and that the wisdom and resources will be there when we need it, even if I try so hard to get them early.
Lord, You know that I am exhausted, emotionally, spiritually. I have been worn down to near nothing over these past stressful years, and I can't do it anymore. I can't be the one to "handle" everything, to know what to do, to try to get things done. I need a rest for my mind and spirit. Please, let this summer be refreshing to me, this break from homeschooling (and I pray this for my friends Leigh and Angel and Jen, too).
Let me remember that You have Your eyes on everything and that You hold everything in You hands. So I don't have to see it all or carry it all. Please, hold my concerns for me, manage them for me, until I am strong enough to "get back in the game."
I thank You, Lord, for the upcoming opportunity we have to try another church, one I have been wanting to try for a long time. Only You know right now where we should be. But I pray that if it's a good fit for us that we would feel it, that we would feel welcome there and eager to go back and that the kids would find a place to fit in.
And I pray that You would use this change to breathe new life back into my spirit, which has felt so dead for so long at the church we are at now (as much as I love the people there and find it hard to switch and to have to explain to others why we are switching. Help us through that, too. I do not look forward to that.).
Lord, I contine to place this discouraging house in Your hands. Please, help us fix it up, make it a home. And I pray that You are still working on a plan to get that abandoned, broken-down, moldy house and garage behind ours torn down or cleaned up. I have tried and tried to get someone to do something about it. I have cried and cried in prayer about it, particularly about how it has destroyed my desire to garden (my "sanctuary"). Please, move someone to do something about it. Or grant me the peace to accept this discouragement in contentment, knowing that I don't have to get all the answers I want to be blessed.
And Lord, about that unnamed concern of mine, the one that pops in my head everyday and makes my stomach drop, that makes tears come to my eyes when I think about it ... I am leaving that in Your hands, until and if You ever lead me to do something about it. I do not feel right now like it's my burden to carry or like I can do anything about it right now (and yet how it eats at me and has ruined me so much). Please, take that burden from me until You want me to do something about it. You are over and above it all. You are God of it all. I am not. Please, help me feel as much peace as I can about it, knowing that it's not mine to carry right now, that You are watching over it all and will guide it all to the right ending at the right time. And please know once again how sorry I am that I didn't do something different about it at the time. Forgive me.
Once again, Lord, thank You for being Lord over all, so that I don't have to be. Thank You for promising to work things out, so that I don't have to figure it all out. Thank You for being strong enough to carry it all, because I am so weak and just want to fall on You right now.
And one more thing, Lord, I pray once again for those I know who don't know You ... Jerry, Darin, Jen, Erick, Brendan, Lauren, Brad, Jessica, Dan, Gina, Val and Paul (who do know You through the Catholic church). Please, open the eyes and hearts of these people to want to know You more. Put Your truth in their paths. Surround them with heavenly angels to protect them from the diversions of the evil one, to keep evil from blinding their eyes and distracting them with false truths. Help them to see and hear You calling to them, put the truth in their path so they can see it and know it. And if they are wondering about You or open to You, bring us together in conversation about it so that I can guide them to You.
Be with my husband, who is so discouraged at work. Bring him joy and peace in the midst of the stress. Or bring him another job, one that is a better fit for him. But until then, give him the ability to carry on, to do his job well. And bring him some encouragement to help him keep going, if he is going to be there for awhile. Protect him from evil. Let Your Spirit speak words of truth and comfort to his heart.
And as my son starts his own life at college, away from our guidance and watchful, protective eye, guide him with Your heavenly angels. Keep him from evil. Keep evil from him. Protect him, put a hedge of protection around him and his faith. Help him be strong in You and remain pure in mind and body and faith. Help him find the right godly woman somewhere (the next step on his journey). And keep her pure in mind, body, and faith, too, bringing them together at the right time. (I pray this for all my sons and their future wives.)
I can't be there anymore to watch him all the time and guide him through evetything. But You can. Please, do this for all my boys. Watch over them, guide them, bless them, and keep them strong in You. Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness and faithfulness. Thank You for loving me despite my fear and doubt.
Oh, the time and energy I have wasted! Being so faithless, so afraid that You would let us down.
But You never do! If only I walked more in the assurance that You would come through for me instead of walking in the fear that "it's all up to me because God just isn't handling it," how much less anxious I would be!
You don't give us what we need before we need it, but only when we need it. And if I reminded myself regularly of how often You come through for us, giving us the wisdom and resources we need when we need it, I would relax more and trust You more with the next concern, instead of sweating the times when You seem to be too quiet or taking too long in answering.
Your guidance and providence always seem to be there when it's needed, but never before. May I learn to relax in You, to trust that it will be there, if only I wait on You in trust and peace and watch for Your leading. And may I remember that You love my family even more than I do and that You want the best for them, too. And so I can trust You to guide them in life. I can trust that You will be there for them, helping them along the path You know is best for them and keeping them safe in Your hands. You do not fail or abandon those You love. So I know that I can entrust to You those I love. Thank You for Your faithfulness, even when I myself can be so faithless.
And so, Lord, I need to now hand over to You my other concerns, things that are on my mind. Time and time again, You've shown me how faithful You are to answer my prayers, even if You don't do it as quickly as I want or in the way I want. Please help me learn to rest in You, to trust that You are working and that the wisdom and resources will be there when we need it, even if I try so hard to get them early.
Lord, You know that I am exhausted, emotionally, spiritually. I have been worn down to near nothing over these past stressful years, and I can't do it anymore. I can't be the one to "handle" everything, to know what to do, to try to get things done. I need a rest for my mind and spirit. Please, let this summer be refreshing to me, this break from homeschooling (and I pray this for my friends Leigh and Angel and Jen, too).
Let me remember that You have Your eyes on everything and that You hold everything in You hands. So I don't have to see it all or carry it all. Please, hold my concerns for me, manage them for me, until I am strong enough to "get back in the game."
I thank You, Lord, for the upcoming opportunity we have to try another church, one I have been wanting to try for a long time. Only You know right now where we should be. But I pray that if it's a good fit for us that we would feel it, that we would feel welcome there and eager to go back and that the kids would find a place to fit in.
And I pray that You would use this change to breathe new life back into my spirit, which has felt so dead for so long at the church we are at now (as much as I love the people there and find it hard to switch and to have to explain to others why we are switching. Help us through that, too. I do not look forward to that.).
Lord, I contine to place this discouraging house in Your hands. Please, help us fix it up, make it a home. And I pray that You are still working on a plan to get that abandoned, broken-down, moldy house and garage behind ours torn down or cleaned up. I have tried and tried to get someone to do something about it. I have cried and cried in prayer about it, particularly about how it has destroyed my desire to garden (my "sanctuary"). Please, move someone to do something about it. Or grant me the peace to accept this discouragement in contentment, knowing that I don't have to get all the answers I want to be blessed.
And Lord, about that unnamed concern of mine, the one that pops in my head everyday and makes my stomach drop, that makes tears come to my eyes when I think about it ... I am leaving that in Your hands, until and if You ever lead me to do something about it. I do not feel right now like it's my burden to carry or like I can do anything about it right now (and yet how it eats at me and has ruined me so much). Please, take that burden from me until You want me to do something about it. You are over and above it all. You are God of it all. I am not. Please, help me feel as much peace as I can about it, knowing that it's not mine to carry right now, that You are watching over it all and will guide it all to the right ending at the right time. And please know once again how sorry I am that I didn't do something different about it at the time. Forgive me.
Once again, Lord, thank You for being Lord over all, so that I don't have to be. Thank You for promising to work things out, so that I don't have to figure it all out. Thank You for being strong enough to carry it all, because I am so weak and just want to fall on You right now.
And one more thing, Lord, I pray once again for those I know who don't know You ... Jerry, Darin, Jen, Erick, Brendan, Lauren, Brad, Jessica, Dan, Gina, Val and Paul (who do know You through the Catholic church). Please, open the eyes and hearts of these people to want to know You more. Put Your truth in their paths. Surround them with heavenly angels to protect them from the diversions of the evil one, to keep evil from blinding their eyes and distracting them with false truths. Help them to see and hear You calling to them, put the truth in their path so they can see it and know it. And if they are wondering about You or open to You, bring us together in conversation about it so that I can guide them to You.
Be with my husband, who is so discouraged at work. Bring him joy and peace in the midst of the stress. Or bring him another job, one that is a better fit for him. But until then, give him the ability to carry on, to do his job well. And bring him some encouragement to help him keep going, if he is going to be there for awhile. Protect him from evil. Let Your Spirit speak words of truth and comfort to his heart.
And as my son starts his own life at college, away from our guidance and watchful, protective eye, guide him with Your heavenly angels. Keep him from evil. Keep evil from him. Protect him, put a hedge of protection around him and his faith. Help him be strong in You and remain pure in mind and body and faith. Help him find the right godly woman somewhere (the next step on his journey). And keep her pure in mind, body, and faith, too, bringing them together at the right time. (I pray this for all my sons and their future wives.)
I can't be there anymore to watch him all the time and guide him through evetything. But You can. Please, do this for all my boys. Watch over them, guide them, bless them, and keep them strong in You. Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness and faithfulness. Thank You for loving me despite my fear and doubt.
