The "Elect Plate"

 In our house, we have something we used to call "The Special Plate," a plate that was unlike any other one we had.  A one of a kind.  And when the kids were little and one of them did something noteworthy or just needed an emotional boost, I would give that person the "special plate" at dinner, and everyone else would have to say something nice about them.

With four boys, though, that worked for all of just a couple years.  Before long, there'd always be one kid who could never think of something nice about anyone else, and another one who always gave out sarcastic, joke "compliments," and another one who got offended because no one would say anything nice about them.

And so the "special plate" sat in the cabinet for a long time.

Until it became the "elect plate."  

Now, the joke is that whoever gets it randomly at dinner (they can't choose to get it for themselves) is the "elect one," the one chosen by God for salvation.  And everyone else is out of luck.  Should make any Calvinist proud!

In fact, I wish I could tell our old church about the "elect plate," how when someone gets it, they shout out things like "Ha ha, I'm elect!  God loves me more than you, suckers!  I get to go to heaven and you don't.  Have fun burning in hell, losers!  Too bad for you!  But don't feel bad, though, because you couldn't help it; you were just born that way!"  

Just tonight, one of the boys asked me who got the elect plate, and I said matter-of-factly, "No one got it.  We're all going to hell together."

And you know what?  This honestly is not too far from how Calvinism really is.  What a joke!

Everyone should have an "elect plate" to demonstrate to their kids just how absurd Calvinism really is.