What Happened After Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer?

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Okay, so we all know that Grandma got run over by a reindeer ... but guess what happened next?

Grandpa's gonna sue the pants off of Santa

Who knew!?!  I sure didn't, not till just a few years ago.

(I'm warning you now: This one will get stuck in your head.)

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Deciphering a Calvinist Church's Statement of Faith

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(This is taken from How to Tell if a Church, Pastor, or Website is Calvinist , with some additions at the bottom.  Remember that this is only my opinion, my assessment, and my suggestions, based of what I've learned about Calvinism so far.) A church's Statement of Faith tells you a lot about the theology of that church.  But some Calvinist churches are careful to hide their Calvinist views because they know it's controversial and might scare people off.  So they might be very careful with their wording and will not clearly identify themselves as "Calvinist" or "Reformed."  Sometimes it takes reading between the lines - being able to identify the "covert Calvinism" - to know if the church is Calvinist or not.  1.   First off, pay attention for one or more of these kinds of words and phrases:  election, predestination, decree, ordains or fore-ordains, sovereignty or sovereign control, "doctrines of grace," covenant theology, reforme...
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Updated: Alana L. 5P (conflations: natural vs moral)

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[I redid Point #5 and #6 in the Alana L. series on my other blog (and re-lettered the posts).  But instead of going back and changing the already-posted points on this blog, I'll just add the posts in their own little "series."]  Point #5 still :   P:  "Sovereign, sovereign, sovereign, sovereign."   Natural vs Moral On a slightly different track:  If you listen closely when Calvinists talk about God's "sovereign control" over things, they'll often emphasize His control over nature, even bringing up verses about it.  And since we agree that God caused/controlled something like a storm or famine or illness at some point in biblical history, Calvinists will then make us think that we must also agree that He causes/controls human decisions and moral evils too.  That if we accept one, we must accept the other. Vincent Cheung  ( The Problem of Evil ):  " God controls not only  natural events , but he also controls  all human aff...
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When Calvinists say "But predestination!" (tiny, bare-bones version)

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[Here's the tiniest version of my "But predestination!" post.  The short version with more memes and quotes and information can be  found here , and t he longest version (a series of posts full of many more Calvinist comments, my Calvinist ex-pastor's sermons, and my replies to them, written for my own amusement and for my ex-church) can be found by  starting here .  But this tiny version includes only the most basic parts you need to know, with a few memes and quotes thrown in to spice it up and prove my points.  (I know this could be much tinier, but Calvinism has so many bunny trails, so many interlocking ideas, that it's hard to address one part without addressing more.  So this is as comprehensively tiny as I dared to make it.) ] At the heart of Calvinism is predestination and God's sovereignty (among other things, like "total depravity"), which according to Calvinism essentially amounts to:  "God preplans and controls everything, even sin ...
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Satan, the Father of Lies

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"You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire.  He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him.  When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."   ( John 8:44 ) Have you ever really thought about this verse before, about what it means for our lives, practically-speaking? Satan is the father of lies.  Therefore, every time we tell a lie or believe a lie, we are aligning ourselves with Satan, essentially calling him "father."  And aligning ourselves with Satan opens the door to demons, to evil, to demonic attacks, to more lies, etc.  It takes us out from under the protection of God and makes us vulnerable to Satan and his schemes.  And the longer we live with those lies or the stronger we hold onto them, the more numb we get to the Holy Spirit.  And the more numb we are to the Holy Spirit, the deeper we will go into sin and in...
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Calvi-god's Will: Children Deserve What!?!

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(FYI: There will be lots of posts on Calvinism coming up in the next months, with some non-Calvinism ones sprinkled in between.)   I updated my comment on the R.C. Sproul Jr. quote in my post  "But Calvinists don't say God causes sin and evil!"   (which, incidentally, was featured in a  "reddit reformed" post ) .   And as usual, I made it much longer, adding more quotes (quotes I've posted in other places, so feel free to skip them if you've read them before).  But it's important stuff, the bottom-line of Calvinism (which is why I want them all together in one place and why I re-quote them often, as needed - because Calvinists' own words make the best case against them).    And I figured I'd repost my new comment here, too, because it's a whole post all on its own.  (Also  see my post  Thank you, reddit/reformed. I'm honored! ) 1. R.C. Sproul Jr.  (Almighty Over All) :   “God  wills  all things tha...
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#9 Predestination vs. Free-Will (shortened)

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(For full version of this Bible study "lesson," click here .  But to be honest, I can't really shorten this one too much because this topic is so immense and complicated.  So this is still pretty long.)              Imagine that I walk into your church and say, “I am taking a group of people on a trip with me.   We are leaving sometime soon, and you have to decide which group you’ll be part of: the one that goes or the rest that stay behind.   I have a destination picked out and a way to get there.   I’ve already paid the price to take everyone in this room with me, if you choose to go.   And I am now asking for those who want to go.   It’s up to you if you want to come or be left behind.   But if you do not deliberately choose to come with me, you will be left behind.”             This, in essence, is my view when it comes to the whole "predestination ...
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She Died Too Young!

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Please say a prayer for my 30-year-old brother.  His wife just unexpectedly died this morning of heart failure (after months of recovering from a near-death illness in March of this year).  Apparently, she woke up this morning feeling bad, and she asked him to rub her back ... and then she died.  She was only 30 years old, too.  And s he left behind a 5-year-old, 3-year-old, and 7-month-old (I think those are the ages).   My brother is not a believer, but please pray that God reaches out to him, comforts him, puts His saving truth in his path, protects him and their family from evil, and gives him wisdom in how to move forward.  Such a heartbreaking time!  I can't even imagine!   He's just the nicest, sweetest guy there is.  And their wedding anniversary is in two days.  So sad!  Last night when they were going to bed, she told him, "I wish I could marry you all over again!"  He's so thankful that those are some of the ...
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"Why is the Old Testament God so angry?" is the wrong question

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Lately, there seems to be a lot of people asking the question, "Why is the God of the Old Testament so angry?"  And some preachers handle this by telling people to basically ignore the God of the Old Testament and just stick with Jesus. But I say ... we are asking the wrong questions.  And the God of the Old Testament is the same God of today.  And Jesus is God in the flesh, the bodily manifestation of God, one of the three - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - which are all the same in spirit. You can't ignore the God of the Old Testament without seriously harming theology - the truth of who God is and how He acts and how He relates to us and who Jesus is and what He came here to do. Instead of ignoring Him or packing Him away in a little box somewhere, we need to seek to understand Him.  And we need to ask the right questions. Instead of asking "Why is the Old Testament God so angry," we should be asking ...               ...
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Some Problems With Predestination/Calvinism (And What I Think The Bible Really Says)

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(Part of the "Predestination vs. Free-Will" series) Calvinists (those who believe in predestination, that we don’t have a real choice about salvation) – say that we have to evangelize and pray because God told us to and because God knew that this is how the lost would be saved.   This is a pretty flimsy reason for evangelizing, given that (according to Calvinists) no one really has a choice about where their souls end up anyway.   (And actually, they'll say that we do get a choice, that we freely, willingly choose according to our nature.  But what they don't say is that God alone determines our nature, whether we get a new "saved" one or whether we have to keep the old "sinner" nature which can do nothing but sin and reject God.  This is still God determining whether we believe or not, whether we sin or not.  Don't buy into their double-talk.)              If evangelizing didn’t really make a difference, then doing it j...
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