In "Honor" of Halloween: My Story of Demonic Harassment (repost)
(Reposted from last year and retold in various other posts. I may just repost this one yearly at this time of year.)
In “honor” of Halloween (a day that deserves no honor), I’m gonna share with you why we don’t celebrate Halloween. (We take our kids to a movie instead, or buy a movie they’ve been wanting and have a “family movie night” with candy and popcorn. So no need to feel sorry for them; they are not deprived.)
It started on a dark night in the middle of nowhere, in the bluffs of Iowa, where there are virtually no neighbors, no sounds, no cars going by at night. Pitch black, silent darkness.
We were visiting my grandma for the weekend. And before I went to bed that night, I watched a program on TV from National Geographic. It was on the Codex Gigas (aka “the Devil’s Bible). It wasn’t a sensationalized show or anything, just a look at an old, mysterious book, trying to answer the question of who wrote it and how. I really thought nothing of it at the time. I was actually intending to scoff at the program.
Nothing more dramatic or worse happened than what I have shared here, but I have had moments like these again in the following years, usually right after I share this story with people or online. One of the last times it happened was right after I sent this story to a Christian radio program. I wasn’t sure at first if I should share it with the host because it always feels weird to me to share this. I have told very few people. But in the end, I did because I felt that the guest host had misinformed a caller who asked if the heavy-weight-on-your-chest-when-you-wake-up sensation could be a demonic attack. He told her not to look for a demon behind every bush, that not every weird thing is a demonic attack. Which is true, of course. But I felt like he had not given her the help and advice she needed in this situation. She needed to be encouraged and to be instructed to call on Jesus’s name for help. He left her vulnerable to further attacks, without having any tool to fight it, making her feel like it was all in her mind.
So I emailed them my story, in the hopes that they could pass it on to her. And that very night, I woke up with another paralyzing, electrifying, air-sucked-out-of-my-lungs-as-my-mouth-was-sealed-shut feeling. It was the first time it happened in months. And my first response, after calling out “In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave,” was to think, Good! Now I know that I did the right thing. It made them mad and stirred them up.
For a while, these attacks really scared me and disturbed me. But they do not scare me anymore. Because I learned to find my security and strength in the Lord to fight these attacks. I don’t have to be afraid. I’m fighting from the winning side and I don’t fight alone. The Holy Spirit in me is “greater than the one who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)
Think of demons like the wizard of Oz, a giant scary projection in the air. As long as we keep focused on the giant scary projection, we’ll remain terrified. And they will have power over us if we remain terrified of them ... or if we live in sin and cut ourselves off from God’s protection, if we believe that they have more power over us than they do, if we fail to recognize when something is a spiritual attack, if we forget that we have the Holy Spirit and Jesus’s name on our side, or if we forget that prayer is our life-line and that God's Word is the sword of the Spirit. (See "It is Written..." and "Sleeping On My Sword.")
But if you can look past the projection and see that it's all just a "light and smoke show," it takes the terror away.
Of course, this isn’t to minimize the real damage that they can do in the world when they entice people to rebel against God, lie, cheat, steal, murder, rape, etc. Demons do everything they can to hurt, kill, terrorize, and destroy. But this is all the more reason to take the spirit world seriously and to learn to recognize spiritual attacks and to get into the spiritual battle. And we need to be praying for our families, society, the leaders, the world, etc., and living righteously and remaining intimately connected to the Lord.
They might wield a lot of power and influence over the world, but when it comes to Christians, demons can only do so much to us because we have the Holy Spirit and spiritual armor. And so, they usually try the “light and smoke show” to make us more afraid than we need to be, to make us cower in our beds instead of taking up our armor and fighting back. To make us look for earthly help instead of God's help.
While I wish that these attacks would never happened again, I have come to see them as a normal part of doing spiritual battle.
One thing’s for sure, this whole time period has made me completely aware that there is a spiritual battle going on around us all the time. And I need to get involved with it, through prayer and seeking righteousness and drawing ever nearer to God through His Word and spending time with Him. I need Him desperately because there is a battle going on around me – a battle for the souls of people – that I cannot be effective in or protect myself from, apart from a complete, humble dependence on Him.
Once again, we do not need to fear these times. Because Jesus has given us the power of His name to fight demons. Luke 10:17 says “The seventy-two returned with joy and said, ‘Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.’“ And for the more stubborn demons, Jesus instructs us in Mark 9:29 to pray. And He has given us tools to do spiritual battle (His name, His Word, prayer, worship/praise, fasting, etc.) and a whole set a spiritual armor that we need to keep in place.
According to Ephesians 6: 10-18, there is: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, a readiness to share the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit - which is the [spoken] Word of God - and prayer.
As I was going through those five months, it was helpful and encouraging to realize that nothing odd was happening to me. Of course, it's odd to the world ... but it shouldn't be odd to Christians, because we know about the reality of evil and demons and God and angels and the spirit world. The spiritual battle is just a normal part of a Christian’s life. And instead of freaking out about these attacks, the best things I could do were to accept that they were something I would just have to deal with, to seek righteousness, and to learn how to "battle well."
When I was still really upset about these attacks and desperately wishing they would end for good so that I could stop stressing, so that I could "sit back and relax," I noticed a verse that made me realize that we are not necessarily supposed to be able to "sit back and relax" ... not on this earth and not while we are in the midst of a spiritual battle.
Ephesians 6: 13: “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
Oh, how I wanted to read “and after you have done everything, to sit back and relax.” But that’s not what we are told. We are supposed to stand, even after fighting today’s battles. We are supposed to stand and be ready for the next attack, never dropping our armor or letting our guard down.
Once I realized that this is just the way it is, I didn’t fight it so hard anymore. I didn’t try to run. I didn’t get overly upset about what was happening to me. I just took up my armor and dealt with these attacks as they came, knowing that I wasn’t fighting on my own. I had the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit on my side.
(In fact, if I do not have any attacks like these for a long time, I begin to wonder if I have gotten comfortable and lazy, if I have become distracted with life and am forgetting God’s Kingdom. I think we all need to be living in such a way that we have great big targets – big bull’s eyes – on our backs, that when the demons see us get up in the morning, they say, “Oh no! Not them again! Get 'em!”)
Anyway, the reason I keep sharing this very condensed story is because I want to challenge others to seriously think about the fact that we are in the midst of a spiritual battle all the time. And yet how often are we aware of it? Do we engage in that battle or do we focus on making a nice, comfy life on earth? Do we take the commands to wear our spiritual armor seriously? Do we believe that our prayers really do have an effect on the spirit realm and that the way we live has an effect on our prayers and God’s Kingdom? Do we really believe that Jesus’s name has power? Are we using the Word as the sword of the Spirit? Are we living for eternity and for God's glory ... or for the temporary and for our own satisfaction?
It’s something we all need to think about seriously (without being overly interested in spirits). And we all should be prepared for if and when the attacks come our way.
But if I may point out, most attacks are not as vivid and obvious as what I went through. Most are subtle and more “human” kinds of attacks, such as shame and anxiety, or temptations to dabble with sin, to envy, to gossip, to become jealous, to run after idols, to become bitter, to be prideful, etc. And then there are the attacks like sleepless nights that wear us down, unfair treatment from someone else, addictions, accidents, thinking negative things about ourselves, hearing voices, unexplained health problems, evil thoughts that pop into your mind, etc. Satan has many tools to distract us, wear us down, or cause us to fear and doubt and sin.
While these are less obvious as “demonic” attacks, they can be spiritual battles just as much as sensing demons in your room at night. And they are probably much more effective at getting us away from God and righteousness, because they are so subtle. They are much more damaging to our lives and our faith than the kind of attacks I went through. The attacks I experienced drove me closer to God, because I knew that I needed Him to make it through those. They were clearly spiritual. But the more subtle, “earthly” attacks can sneak up on us before we know it. And some of them can look so enticing (like a temptation to have an affair or get rich quick in an ungodly way or looking like we are glorifying God while we are really glorifying ourselves) that we don’t even recognize them as attacks, as part of a spiritual battle. So we need to be even more on guard against those.
And of course, not everything that goes wrong is a demonic attack. Sometimes it is just a part of living in a fallen world or a natural consequence of something.
But we need to be alert for if and when it is a spiritual attack, and to battle it as such. We can’t fight spiritual battles with earthly weapons. (For some spiritual warfare help, see the post "War Rooms, Praying Scripture, and Spiritual Warfare.")
If you are facing clearly spiritual attacks, try to think about what may be causing it. It could be because you are seeking God more than ever or doing some great work for Him, because these things really provoke and anger the demons. And if this is the case, then keep it up, and remember to keep your spiritual armor on, to remain in the Lord, and to pray and use Jesus’s name.
But if you are not growing in the Lord, it could be because you are in sin and have grieved the Holy Spirit, shutting yourself off from His protection. It could be because you dabbled with something ungodly, New Age, witchcraft-y, or from a false religion. It could be because of an object that you brought into your house or an activity that you engaged in that is occultic or from a false religion. (Yoga?) It could be because of demons other people brought in, and you are just an innocent bystander who was in the vicinity. ("But that's not fair," you might be saying. Yeah, well ... since when do demons play fair!?! If they see an opening, any opening, they take it! Don't give them an opening, an opportunity!) Or it could be because of ancestors who welcomed and encouraged demons by things they engaged in.
If need be, take the time to figure out (and pray about) why the attacks are coming and to seek help from a pastor or godly friend.
Confess sins that need to be confessed, and renounce sins from your past and your ancestors. Forgive others where you need to. (Having an unforgiving spirit blocks God from forgiving you and interrupts your relationship with Him. It gives Satan a foothold in your heart and life and makes you vulnerable to him. Forgive! For your own spiritual well-being.)
Purge your home and life of things that celebrate false religions, evil, or the occult.
Ask the Holy Spirit to purify your mind.
Consider the music you listen to and movies you watch and hobbies you engage in. Are they glorifying to God or glorifying to Satan? Do they welcome God or Satan into your mind and home? (Be sure to surround yourself with music that praises God when you are under attack. Demons hate it when we praise God.)
Thank God for Jesus’s sacrificial death and pray that His blood covers and cleanses your home, your life, and your family’s past if they were involved in ungodly things.
Pray that God sends His heavenly angels to protect you from evil.
And learn to call on Jesus’s name when the attacks come. They have to leave when you call on Jesus’s name (as long as you've removed and renounced any of the "welcome mats" you've previously rolled out for them), maybe not immediately but they do leave if you keep calling on His name and praying.
When your eyes are opened to the spiritual battle going on around us all the time, your life and faith will never be the same again. You'll be living more "real" than you've ever lived before because you'll see things more clearly. And I can honestly say that those five months were some of the best things that ever happened to me. (I think about them almost every day. For about ten years now.)
And this is my real-life “scary” story, the reason we don’t celebrate Halloween and how I learned to lean hard on the Lord and trust in His power and name.
Note: Why I don't allow my kids to play games like "Light as a feather, stiff as a board":
My first real experience with the unseen world was when I was a pre-teen. I was at my step-dad’s house for the weekend. My younger half-brother, his step-sister, and I were bored and wanted something to do. So we decided to play the classic game “Light as a feather, stiff as a board.” Silly stuff . . . right?!?
We had my brother (around seven or eight years old at the time) lay down on the floor, while me and his step-sister (about ten years old) took a position on either side of him. We both slid two fingers from each hand under him. Then we closed our eyes and began to chant: “Light as a feather, stiff as a board; light as a feather, stiff as a board” over and over again for a minute or so. And then we tried to raise him. Nothing! Heavy as a rock and completely unable to lift him a smidgen.
I, being the smart older one, concluded that we didn’t chant long enough. “Let’s try it longer,” I said. And so we closed our eyes and began again: “Light as a feather, stiff as a board; light as a feather, stiff as a board.” We said this over and over and over again. We said it for so long that we kind of zoned out. It was like a trance-like state where we lost track of time and sense of our surroundings. After I-don’t-know-how-long, we decided that it had been long enough and we tried to lift him again.
This time, I kid you not, he was light as a feather and stiff as a board. We were able to raise him up with only two fingers on each hand, eight fingers total between the two of us. We stood up and lifted him to chest level with absolutely no effort. Meanwhile, he was as stiff and as still as could be, eyes closed and unconscious, completely unaware of anything around him.
We, being two adolescent girls, giggled and ooohed and ahhed. “Oh, look. It works! Cool! Let’s take him out of the room and show Dad.” We began to walk him to the door and said, “Sean, do not open your eyes! We are taking you out to show Dad.” But as soon as his head crossed over the threshold by the door, he shook awake with a “Huh” and immediately regained all of his weight and crashed to the floor.
We laughed and ran to tell our dad how it really worked. I don’t remember his response, but I’m sure it was like, “That’s nice! Great imagination, you guys. Now run along!” And we ran off and found other things to do, forgetting about this supernatural encounter and completely unaware of what really happened.
What I didn’t realize, though, was that we were inviting the spirit world to come to us. We were calling on their help. And the second time around, we must have given them enough time to do it. And I doubt, of course, that these were godly spirits. Godly spirits don’t play these kinds of games. It’s evil spirits, in the hopes of drawing you in more. These innocent games can oftentimes lead to dark paths.
As an adult looking back now, I am always surprised at how this really worked. And yet, I’m not surprised because I do, after all, believe the Bible when it says that there is an unseen, supernatural world around us. I guess I am just surprised at how two completely innocent, naive, adolescent girls could unknowingly call on the spirit world, thinking it was just a game, and actually get a powerful response.
And this is why I teach my kids to be very careful about "games" like these. It's not just "fun." It's demonic! And few people realize this. Few Christian parents take the time to teach their kids about the truth of the spirit world.
Like I said, I think the demonic harassment I went through was one of the best things to happen to me. It helped me take the spirit world seriously, and I've taught my kids to take it seriously, too.
In “honor” of Halloween (a day that deserves no honor), I’m gonna share with you why we don’t celebrate Halloween. (We take our kids to a movie instead, or buy a movie they’ve been wanting and have a “family movie night” with candy and popcorn. So no need to feel sorry for them; they are not deprived.)
I don’t expect anyone to believe me, but I’m going to share my story. (And for the longer version of this story on my other blog, click here.) It’s my story about how I came to fully trust in Jesus’s name and to passionately cling to Him, to never be able to doubt the existence of a spirit world, to place such a high priority on prayer and God’s Word, and to always remember my need for spiritual armor. And once again, you don’t have to believe me. (But don’t say I never warned you. And if you are a skeptic and get nothing from this whole section, just remember this: “In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave.” In case you ever need it.)
It started on a dark night in the middle of nowhere, in the bluffs of Iowa, where there are virtually no neighbors, no sounds, no cars going by at night. Pitch black, silent darkness.
We were visiting my grandma for the weekend. And before I went to bed that night, I watched a program on TV from National Geographic. It was on the Codex Gigas (aka “the Devil’s Bible). It wasn’t a sensationalized show or anything, just a look at an old, mysterious book, trying to answer the question of who wrote it and how. I really thought nothing of it at the time. I was actually intending to scoff at the program.
But later that night (or the next, I can't remember), I was sound asleep in my room when I was suddenly awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of screaming. Not normal screaming, mind you, but the sound of thousands of people screaming out in pain all at once. A horrible, painful wail of humanity.
But the sound wasn’t coming from outside.
It was coming from inside my head.
No, I wasn’t losing my mind or hallucinating (or whatever the hallucinating equivalent is for hearing things that aren’t there). But I could clearly hear this awful screaming. And coupled with it was an intense feeling of darkness, of evil.
I had never experienced this before, so I did the only thing I could think of ... I called out “Jesus, help me.”
And the sounds subsided. And I slept fine the rest of the night.
But that was just the beginning of almost five months of regular, nighttime, demonic harassment.
Several times a week for the next five months, I was woken up with various different sensations. At different times, I woke up feeling something heavy on my chest, feeling paralyzed, or (the usual one) feeling like my body was being electrocuted by a bolt of lightning or a blast of electricity. I would feel this electricity and it would paralyze my body and mouth, making it hard to call on the name of Jesus for a minute or so. Many times, I could almost sense something in the room before I went to bed, a chill or a presence.
Later on, it began to feel more vivid and violent. Once, in my “dream,” I could feel a snake-like demon wrap itself around my leg, which woke me up feeling electrocuted. And another time, I was “dreaming” that a demon was in the room, hovering over me in a cloud of black smoke as I slept. I could feel the intense hatred radiating from this being, as though he wanted to cause me serious harm, but was prevented from doing so. And then, I saw these long, black arms reach out to grab me, and immediately I felt the electricity and woke up. Other times, I could sense their presence as I slept, without really “seeing” anything. And just as I began to realize that I needed to call on Jesus for help, I would feel the electricity and wake up and struggle to break through the paralysis and make my mouth move again so that I could call on Jesus’ name.
There was one minor time when I heard “thunder” in my ears (that rumbly sound you get when you yawn really deep and long) after saying this in my dream, “You know the book that the guy wrote about his trip to heaven … I believe him.” Immediately after saying that, the thunder sound came and woke me up.
I’ve heard strange loud noises just as I was falling asleep and crossing over from consciousness to unconsciousness, like breaking glass or a cup of marbles being dropped onto a sheet of metal. Weird noises that jolt you awake but would have no real explanation. (My husband experienced this around that time, too.)
I’ve had very disgusting, bizarre images pop into my mind out of nowhere as I was falling asleep, grotesque images of severed heads, corpses, and really strange images I would never even think about imagining. And they would come one right after the next, as I tried to focus my thoughts back on the Lord. I believe these are spiritual attacks, too, and not just “my own thoughts.”
And then there were a bunch of disturbing times when I woke up feeling like something was holding my mouth shut or sucking the air out of me or sucking my face up into a “vacuum.” One time, I woke up feeling like something was choking me. I actually was fully conscious, laying there and thinking, Could I be choking myself? There’s one hand of mine, but where’s the other? Is it my own hand choking me? But it wasn’t; both of my hands were under my pillow. And as I continued to nod off again, I would feel the grip getting tighter and tighter. And then as I woke up again, it would loosen. That only continued for a minute or so, until I was awake enough to call out Jesus’s name. But it really bothered me to see how “physical” it was getting.
While you may doubt it, I no longer think that most of those “dreams” about a demonic presence were actually dreams. (Hey, you weren’t there. I was.) I know what a dream and a nightmare feel like. And this felt nothing like that. I never really jolt wide-awake with a nightmare. Nightmares are usually scary things that I can’t seem to wake up from. Or they simply play out for a little while, then go away, and then I don’t think of them again until I wake up. But I do jolt wide-awake during these attacks, feeling electrocuted, and usually just as I realize there is a demonic presence and I need to call on Jesus.
After really thinking them over, I have come to believe that they are more like visions – an awareness by my spirit of what is going on in the spirit realm around me, even as my physical body sleeps. You don’t have to agree with me, but this makes the most sense for me as I consider how it happens and what is going on in my mind right before these attacks happen.
You might not think so, but I believe the Bible when it says that angels and demons are real. And while they never really physically bothered me before, I believe that I “invited” them in when I watched that program on the Devil’s Bible. Maybe demons float around, waiting for someone to roll out a “welcome mat” for them, such as watching demonic things or engaging in occultic things. Or maybe they got bored of harassing cows out there in Iowa. Either way, something about watching that program drew them to me. Gave them permission to harass me.
I don’t scoff anymore.
At one point, near the end of the five months, I began to wonder how and where the “electricity” starts. Does it start in one spot, like my knee, and spread? Does it come on slow or fast? Could it really just be a residual effect of a bad dream?
Well, one morning removed all doubt that it might just be a dream.
I was lying in bed in the morning, wide awake. The sun was shining, it was peaceful, and I was just lounging when, out of the blue, I felt like I got hit by a bolt of lightning. It was fast and hard and fierce, almost to the point of paralyzing me and making it hard to call on Jesus’s name, as it often was upon first waking up that way. But the difference was that this was the first time it happened while I was fully awake. So now I was absolutely sure that it couldn’t be just a lingering effect of a bad dream. These really were spiritual attacks.
And the weirdest “attack” happened when I was waking up one Sunday morning. (Almost every Saturday night to Sunday morning brought an attack, which was the first night that it happened, too. Odd!) I was lying in bed with my new baby next to me, and my husband was up getting ready for church in the bathroom. As I laid there fully awake, I felt something creeping up the foot of the bed toward me.
My oldest son (9 years old, at the time) loves to sneak up on us whenever he can, and it felt exactly as if he was trying to creep up our bed on his hands and knees. I could feel the mattress go down with each hand or knee, and I could feel the edge of my blanket getting pulled under his weight. And I popped my head up to catch him in the act, but . . . there was nothing there. Hmmm, that’s odd! I’m absolutely sure that I felt something.
I laid back down. And a few seconds later, it happened again. This time, I sat up quickly, and still I saw no one. How could he duck and hide so fast? I looked on the floor and around the bed to see if he was there and if he was just really good at hiding. But, of course, he wasn’t there. (And because we never could get our box-spring up the tiny staircase, our mattress was on the floor. So there was nowhere to hide.)
I was baffled by this point. And just then, my husband came into the room to get his clothes. And through gritted teeth, I told him, “Something invisible is . . . creeping . . . up . . . the bed! I can feel it walking up the bed toward me.”
Not surprisingly, he cocked his eyebrows and looked at me with a skeptical, disturbed, you-must-be-crazy look (meant in the most loving way possible, I’m sure). And he turned around and went back to the bathroom without saying a word. (Can’t you just feel the love and support?)
Now, why I didn’t get out of bed at this point or call out Jesus’s name is a mystery to me. I guess I didn’t want to wake the baby yet, and I was still trying to figure out what was going on. So I laid there a little longer. And it started again. But this time, I had heard the door creak open first and then felt the mattress move. This time, it’s my oldest son for sure, I thought. And he can’t hide now!
I waited until I felt the creeping get up to my knees so that he couldn’t easily jump off the bed, and then I flung my arms and legs around so that I could catch him in the act. And, yep, that’s right - nothing was there. It happened one or two more times before I fully believed that it wasn’t just a brilliant trick by one of my kids. I think I just didn’t want to believe that things like this would happen in the daytime when I was fully awake. (Oh, and my husband did tell me that he opened the door just a few moments before . . . when I heard the door creak. So there was an actual reason for the creaking door. Thank God!)
I didn’t feel it again after that, but I certainly wasn’t about to leave my baby up in the bed alone. So I woke him up and took him with me to get ready for church. And I sang The Ghostbusters theme song the rest of the day. I tried to stop myself, I really did. But I couldn’t, you know - with an invisible thing sneakin’ in my bed and all.
That was one of the most disturbing moments because I began to feel like not only were my nights unsafe, but now my days were, too. And it really scared me. Were “they” able to do other physical things, like push me down the stairs or smother me in my sleep? Would they hurt my children?
While nothing more serious happened than all that, I do not scoff anymore about demonic things. I do not tinker with them. And that year I decided that my family wouldn’t “celebrate” Halloween anymore. I couldn’t ask God to protect us from evil while engaging in a “holiday” that glorifies all things evil. In fact, I am very careful nowadays about supporting, viewing or engaging in anything that's potentially demonic or evil. And I have taught my kids to be careful, too. I tell them to stay away from horror movies, witchcraft stuff, yoga, fortune tellers, "light as a feather, stiff as a board" kinds of games (see the note at end of post), Ouija boards, etc. And I taught them to call on Jesus's name if ever they feel evil in the room.
This stuff isn't fake. It isn't mythical. It's real. The spirit world and evil and angels and Satan and God and heaven and hell are real.
But do we live like it is? Or do we ignore all that stuff and go on living our lives whatever way we want to?
This stuff isn't fake. It isn't mythical. It's real. The spirit world and evil and angels and Satan and God and heaven and hell are real.
But do we live like it is? Or do we ignore all that stuff and go on living our lives whatever way we want to?
Nothing more dramatic or worse happened than what I have shared here, but I have had moments like these again in the following years, usually right after I share this story with people or online. One of the last times it happened was right after I sent this story to a Christian radio program. I wasn’t sure at first if I should share it with the host because it always feels weird to me to share this. I have told very few people. But in the end, I did because I felt that the guest host had misinformed a caller who asked if the heavy-weight-on-your-chest-when-you-wake-up sensation could be a demonic attack. He told her not to look for a demon behind every bush, that not every weird thing is a demonic attack. Which is true, of course. But I felt like he had not given her the help and advice she needed in this situation. She needed to be encouraged and to be instructed to call on Jesus’s name for help. He left her vulnerable to further attacks, without having any tool to fight it, making her feel like it was all in her mind.
So I emailed them my story, in the hopes that they could pass it on to her. And that very night, I woke up with another paralyzing, electrifying, air-sucked-out-of-my-lungs-as-my-mouth-was-sealed-shut feeling. It was the first time it happened in months. And my first response, after calling out “In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave,” was to think, Good! Now I know that I did the right thing. It made them mad and stirred them up.
For a while, these attacks really scared me and disturbed me. But they do not scare me anymore. Because I learned to find my security and strength in the Lord to fight these attacks. I don’t have to be afraid. I’m fighting from the winning side and I don’t fight alone. The Holy Spirit in me is “greater than the one who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)
Think of demons like the wizard of Oz, a giant scary projection in the air. As long as we keep focused on the giant scary projection, we’ll remain terrified. And they will have power over us if we remain terrified of them ... or if we live in sin and cut ourselves off from God’s protection, if we believe that they have more power over us than they do, if we fail to recognize when something is a spiritual attack, if we forget that we have the Holy Spirit and Jesus’s name on our side, or if we forget that prayer is our life-line and that God's Word is the sword of the Spirit. (See "It is Written..." and "Sleeping On My Sword.")
But if you can look past the projection and see that it's all just a "light and smoke show," it takes the terror away.
Of course, this isn’t to minimize the real damage that they can do in the world when they entice people to rebel against God, lie, cheat, steal, murder, rape, etc. Demons do everything they can to hurt, kill, terrorize, and destroy. But this is all the more reason to take the spirit world seriously and to learn to recognize spiritual attacks and to get into the spiritual battle. And we need to be praying for our families, society, the leaders, the world, etc., and living righteously and remaining intimately connected to the Lord.
They might wield a lot of power and influence over the world, but when it comes to Christians, demons can only do so much to us because we have the Holy Spirit and spiritual armor. And so, they usually try the “light and smoke show” to make us more afraid than we need to be, to make us cower in our beds instead of taking up our armor and fighting back. To make us look for earthly help instead of God's help.
While I wish that these attacks would never happened again, I have come to see them as a normal part of doing spiritual battle.
One thing’s for sure, this whole time period has made me completely aware that there is a spiritual battle going on around us all the time. And I need to get involved with it, through prayer and seeking righteousness and drawing ever nearer to God through His Word and spending time with Him. I need Him desperately because there is a battle going on around me – a battle for the souls of people – that I cannot be effective in or protect myself from, apart from a complete, humble dependence on Him.
Once again, we do not need to fear these times. Because Jesus has given us the power of His name to fight demons. Luke 10:17 says “The seventy-two returned with joy and said, ‘Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.’“ And for the more stubborn demons, Jesus instructs us in Mark 9:29 to pray. And He has given us tools to do spiritual battle (His name, His Word, prayer, worship/praise, fasting, etc.) and a whole set a spiritual armor that we need to keep in place.
According to Ephesians 6: 10-18, there is: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, a readiness to share the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit - which is the [spoken] Word of God - and prayer.
As I was going through those five months, it was helpful and encouraging to realize that nothing odd was happening to me. Of course, it's odd to the world ... but it shouldn't be odd to Christians, because we know about the reality of evil and demons and God and angels and the spirit world. The spiritual battle is just a normal part of a Christian’s life. And instead of freaking out about these attacks, the best things I could do were to accept that they were something I would just have to deal with, to seek righteousness, and to learn how to "battle well."
When I was still really upset about these attacks and desperately wishing they would end for good so that I could stop stressing, so that I could "sit back and relax," I noticed a verse that made me realize that we are not necessarily supposed to be able to "sit back and relax" ... not on this earth and not while we are in the midst of a spiritual battle.
Ephesians 6: 13: “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
Oh, how I wanted to read “and after you have done everything, to sit back and relax.” But that’s not what we are told. We are supposed to stand, even after fighting today’s battles. We are supposed to stand and be ready for the next attack, never dropping our armor or letting our guard down.
Once I realized that this is just the way it is, I didn’t fight it so hard anymore. I didn’t try to run. I didn’t get overly upset about what was happening to me. I just took up my armor and dealt with these attacks as they came, knowing that I wasn’t fighting on my own. I had the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit on my side.
(In fact, if I do not have any attacks like these for a long time, I begin to wonder if I have gotten comfortable and lazy, if I have become distracted with life and am forgetting God’s Kingdom. I think we all need to be living in such a way that we have great big targets – big bull’s eyes – on our backs, that when the demons see us get up in the morning, they say, “Oh no! Not them again! Get 'em!”)
Anyway, the reason I keep sharing this very condensed story is because I want to challenge others to seriously think about the fact that we are in the midst of a spiritual battle all the time. And yet how often are we aware of it? Do we engage in that battle or do we focus on making a nice, comfy life on earth? Do we take the commands to wear our spiritual armor seriously? Do we believe that our prayers really do have an effect on the spirit realm and that the way we live has an effect on our prayers and God’s Kingdom? Do we really believe that Jesus’s name has power? Are we using the Word as the sword of the Spirit? Are we living for eternity and for God's glory ... or for the temporary and for our own satisfaction?
It’s something we all need to think about seriously (without being overly interested in spirits). And we all should be prepared for if and when the attacks come our way.
But if I may point out, most attacks are not as vivid and obvious as what I went through. Most are subtle and more “human” kinds of attacks, such as shame and anxiety, or temptations to dabble with sin, to envy, to gossip, to become jealous, to run after idols, to become bitter, to be prideful, etc. And then there are the attacks like sleepless nights that wear us down, unfair treatment from someone else, addictions, accidents, thinking negative things about ourselves, hearing voices, unexplained health problems, evil thoughts that pop into your mind, etc. Satan has many tools to distract us, wear us down, or cause us to fear and doubt and sin.
While these are less obvious as “demonic” attacks, they can be spiritual battles just as much as sensing demons in your room at night. And they are probably much more effective at getting us away from God and righteousness, because they are so subtle. They are much more damaging to our lives and our faith than the kind of attacks I went through. The attacks I experienced drove me closer to God, because I knew that I needed Him to make it through those. They were clearly spiritual. But the more subtle, “earthly” attacks can sneak up on us before we know it. And some of them can look so enticing (like a temptation to have an affair or get rich quick in an ungodly way or looking like we are glorifying God while we are really glorifying ourselves) that we don’t even recognize them as attacks, as part of a spiritual battle. So we need to be even more on guard against those.
And of course, not everything that goes wrong is a demonic attack. Sometimes it is just a part of living in a fallen world or a natural consequence of something.
But we need to be alert for if and when it is a spiritual attack, and to battle it as such. We can’t fight spiritual battles with earthly weapons. (For some spiritual warfare help, see the post "War Rooms, Praying Scripture, and Spiritual Warfare.")
If you are facing clearly spiritual attacks, try to think about what may be causing it. It could be because you are seeking God more than ever or doing some great work for Him, because these things really provoke and anger the demons. And if this is the case, then keep it up, and remember to keep your spiritual armor on, to remain in the Lord, and to pray and use Jesus’s name.
But if you are not growing in the Lord, it could be because you are in sin and have grieved the Holy Spirit, shutting yourself off from His protection. It could be because you dabbled with something ungodly, New Age, witchcraft-y, or from a false religion. It could be because of an object that you brought into your house or an activity that you engaged in that is occultic or from a false religion. (Yoga?) It could be because of demons other people brought in, and you are just an innocent bystander who was in the vicinity. ("But that's not fair," you might be saying. Yeah, well ... since when do demons play fair!?! If they see an opening, any opening, they take it! Don't give them an opening, an opportunity!) Or it could be because of ancestors who welcomed and encouraged demons by things they engaged in.
If need be, take the time to figure out (and pray about) why the attacks are coming and to seek help from a pastor or godly friend.
Confess sins that need to be confessed, and renounce sins from your past and your ancestors. Forgive others where you need to. (Having an unforgiving spirit blocks God from forgiving you and interrupts your relationship with Him. It gives Satan a foothold in your heart and life and makes you vulnerable to him. Forgive! For your own spiritual well-being.)
Purge your home and life of things that celebrate false religions, evil, or the occult.
Ask the Holy Spirit to purify your mind.
Consider the music you listen to and movies you watch and hobbies you engage in. Are they glorifying to God or glorifying to Satan? Do they welcome God or Satan into your mind and home? (Be sure to surround yourself with music that praises God when you are under attack. Demons hate it when we praise God.)
Thank God for Jesus’s sacrificial death and pray that His blood covers and cleanses your home, your life, and your family’s past if they were involved in ungodly things.
Pray that God sends His heavenly angels to protect you from evil.
And learn to call on Jesus’s name when the attacks come. They have to leave when you call on Jesus’s name (as long as you've removed and renounced any of the "welcome mats" you've previously rolled out for them), maybe not immediately but they do leave if you keep calling on His name and praying.
When your eyes are opened to the spiritual battle going on around us all the time, your life and faith will never be the same again. You'll be living more "real" than you've ever lived before because you'll see things more clearly. And I can honestly say that those five months were some of the best things that ever happened to me. (I think about them almost every day. For about ten years now.)
And this is my real-life “scary” story, the reason we don’t celebrate Halloween and how I learned to lean hard on the Lord and trust in His power and name.
Halloween makes light of demons, of evil. But they are very real. And they are anything but fun.
[I do not begrudge any other Christian who "celebrates" Halloween, who lets their kids dress up and trick-or-treat. I do not think one night of dressing up and getting candy is necessarily going to destroy someone's faith or lead them down dark paths. In fact, last year we were invited to a Halloween party by some good Christian friends. Instead of rejecting their invitation, we dressed up (as the Mom and Dad from A Christmas Story) and went and let the kids have fun with their friends, doing nothing more "Halloweeny" than dressing up and eating pizza and candy. (But things like Ouija Boards and getting fortunes read and seances, etc., are much bolder and more obvious "welcome mats" for evil. DO NOT allow your children to engage in those, even if it's just "for fun.")
I know that "what to do on Halloween night" isn't an easy dilemma to sort out when you have young kids who want to be part of the fun. And so I never shame another parent who lets their kids "celebrate" Halloween. (And yes, we do pass out candy, along with silent prayers for the children that night.)
But I do think we, as Christians, need to be a little more thoughtful of the spiritual world and of the spiritual battle and of if we are battling against evil or welcoming it in, even if we are doing it unwittingly.]
For fun: I've always loved this video by Carman: "Witch's Invitation."
And I appreciate this writer calling out Halloween for what it is: "Halloween: A Warning to Christian Parents".
And, yes, I fully expect to have another episode of harassment tonight, or very soon after. It seems that every time I talk about or write about this experience, I get attacked again. In fact, here is what happened after one of the last times I posted this story ...
[I do not begrudge any other Christian who "celebrates" Halloween, who lets their kids dress up and trick-or-treat. I do not think one night of dressing up and getting candy is necessarily going to destroy someone's faith or lead them down dark paths. In fact, last year we were invited to a Halloween party by some good Christian friends. Instead of rejecting their invitation, we dressed up (as the Mom and Dad from A Christmas Story) and went and let the kids have fun with their friends, doing nothing more "Halloweeny" than dressing up and eating pizza and candy. (But things like Ouija Boards and getting fortunes read and seances, etc., are much bolder and more obvious "welcome mats" for evil. DO NOT allow your children to engage in those, even if it's just "for fun.")
I know that "what to do on Halloween night" isn't an easy dilemma to sort out when you have young kids who want to be part of the fun. And so I never shame another parent who lets their kids "celebrate" Halloween. (And yes, we do pass out candy, along with silent prayers for the children that night.)
But I do think we, as Christians, need to be a little more thoughtful of the spiritual world and of the spiritual battle and of if we are battling against evil or welcoming it in, even if we are doing it unwittingly.]
For fun: I've always loved this video by Carman: "Witch's Invitation."
And I appreciate this writer calling out Halloween for what it is: "Halloween: A Warning to Christian Parents".
And, yes, I fully expect to have another episode of harassment tonight, or very soon after. It seems that every time I talk about or write about this experience, I get attacked again. In fact, here is what happened after one of the last times I posted this story ...
8/9/18:
I had another "electrifying/paralyzing" moment last night. The first in a long time. And I'm writing it down here in case I want to remember the date it happened.
It started as a dream where I could sense that evil was in the room. And just as my face (in the dream) became paralyzed and electrified, I looked at the person next to me in my dream and very creepily said "He's heeeere! He's heeeere!" (meaning that evil was there, that a demon was in the room, too). And that's when I woke up feeling paralyzed and electrified.
I instantly began praying, calling on Jesus's help and praying that God would surround our house and my family with His heavenly angels to keep evil away. (I whispered it because my husband was asleep next to me.) And within a few minutes, I was calm enough to go back to sleep. (I also was happy in a way that evil saw some reason to harass me. It made me feel like, "Good! I'm doing something to tick them off!")
But what I can't figure out is why it happened last night. Usually, there's a reason. And all I can figure is that yesterday I had a very serious conversation with a friend who is struggling greatly, and I gave her some advice and then prayed for her later. That could have ticked off evil.
Maybe it was my prayer last night of "Show me what I need to do, Lord! I'm stuck in bitterness and anger, and I don't know how to move past this." It's been a long time since I've given God "permission" to help me move forward. For so long, I have felt too fragile to face the future. So I've kinda been stuck, not feeling strong enough to do anything other than simply exist in the moment. Maybe that prayer - maybe looking toward the future with a little bit of hope and asking for God's help to move forward, to move out of bitterness - made them mad.
Or maybe it's simply that I reposted this post about demonic harassment. I had just added it to the schedule (for the end of August) a day or two ago. Almost anytime I share it, I get another episode like that. So it should be no surprise that it happened now.
Anyway, this shows you why I take the spiritual world so seriously. Why I truly believe in God and Jesus, in eternity and heaven and hell. I know that eternity is out there, that Jesus is coming soon. And I am ready to face Him.
Are you?
It started as a dream where I could sense that evil was in the room. And just as my face (in the dream) became paralyzed and electrified, I looked at the person next to me in my dream and very creepily said "He's heeeere! He's heeeere!" (meaning that evil was there, that a demon was in the room, too). And that's when I woke up feeling paralyzed and electrified.
I instantly began praying, calling on Jesus's help and praying that God would surround our house and my family with His heavenly angels to keep evil away. (I whispered it because my husband was asleep next to me.) And within a few minutes, I was calm enough to go back to sleep. (I also was happy in a way that evil saw some reason to harass me. It made me feel like, "Good! I'm doing something to tick them off!")
But what I can't figure out is why it happened last night. Usually, there's a reason. And all I can figure is that yesterday I had a very serious conversation with a friend who is struggling greatly, and I gave her some advice and then prayed for her later. That could have ticked off evil.
Maybe it was my prayer last night of "Show me what I need to do, Lord! I'm stuck in bitterness and anger, and I don't know how to move past this." It's been a long time since I've given God "permission" to help me move forward. For so long, I have felt too fragile to face the future. So I've kinda been stuck, not feeling strong enough to do anything other than simply exist in the moment. Maybe that prayer - maybe looking toward the future with a little bit of hope and asking for God's help to move forward, to move out of bitterness - made them mad.
Or maybe it's simply that I reposted this post about demonic harassment. I had just added it to the schedule (for the end of August) a day or two ago. Almost anytime I share it, I get another episode like that. So it should be no surprise that it happened now.
Anyway, this shows you why I take the spiritual world so seriously. Why I truly believe in God and Jesus, in eternity and heaven and hell. I know that eternity is out there, that Jesus is coming soon. And I am ready to face Him.
Are you?
Note: Why I don't allow my kids to play games like "Light as a feather, stiff as a board":
My first real experience with the unseen world was when I was a pre-teen. I was at my step-dad’s house for the weekend. My younger half-brother, his step-sister, and I were bored and wanted something to do. So we decided to play the classic game “Light as a feather, stiff as a board.” Silly stuff . . . right?!?
We had my brother (around seven or eight years old at the time) lay down on the floor, while me and his step-sister (about ten years old) took a position on either side of him. We both slid two fingers from each hand under him. Then we closed our eyes and began to chant: “Light as a feather, stiff as a board; light as a feather, stiff as a board” over and over again for a minute or so. And then we tried to raise him. Nothing! Heavy as a rock and completely unable to lift him a smidgen.
I, being the smart older one, concluded that we didn’t chant long enough. “Let’s try it longer,” I said. And so we closed our eyes and began again: “Light as a feather, stiff as a board; light as a feather, stiff as a board.” We said this over and over and over again. We said it for so long that we kind of zoned out. It was like a trance-like state where we lost track of time and sense of our surroundings. After I-don’t-know-how-long, we decided that it had been long enough and we tried to lift him again.
This time, I kid you not, he was light as a feather and stiff as a board. We were able to raise him up with only two fingers on each hand, eight fingers total between the two of us. We stood up and lifted him to chest level with absolutely no effort. Meanwhile, he was as stiff and as still as could be, eyes closed and unconscious, completely unaware of anything around him.
We, being two adolescent girls, giggled and ooohed and ahhed. “Oh, look. It works! Cool! Let’s take him out of the room and show Dad.” We began to walk him to the door and said, “Sean, do not open your eyes! We are taking you out to show Dad.” But as soon as his head crossed over the threshold by the door, he shook awake with a “Huh” and immediately regained all of his weight and crashed to the floor.
We laughed and ran to tell our dad how it really worked. I don’t remember his response, but I’m sure it was like, “That’s nice! Great imagination, you guys. Now run along!” And we ran off and found other things to do, forgetting about this supernatural encounter and completely unaware of what really happened.
What I didn’t realize, though, was that we were inviting the spirit world to come to us. We were calling on their help. And the second time around, we must have given them enough time to do it. And I doubt, of course, that these were godly spirits. Godly spirits don’t play these kinds of games. It’s evil spirits, in the hopes of drawing you in more. These innocent games can oftentimes lead to dark paths.
As an adult looking back now, I am always surprised at how this really worked. And yet, I’m not surprised because I do, after all, believe the Bible when it says that there is an unseen, supernatural world around us. I guess I am just surprised at how two completely innocent, naive, adolescent girls could unknowingly call on the spirit world, thinking it was just a game, and actually get a powerful response.
And this is why I teach my kids to be very careful about "games" like these. It's not just "fun." It's demonic! And few people realize this. Few Christian parents take the time to teach their kids about the truth of the spirit world.
Like I said, I think the demonic harassment I went through was one of the best things to happen to me. It helped me take the spirit world seriously, and I've taught my kids to take it seriously, too.
[Update 10/14/19: Yeah, I knew it would happen again after posting this. Last night I was woken up with the feeling of being electrocuted, after sensing evil in my room while I slept, even through my dreaming. It's the first time it's happened in a very long time. But it was very short and not very strong, so that's good.
After waking up feeling the electricity, I immediately said "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave." And the electricity immediately subsided. And then for some reason, I began praying out loud even more, for God's protection over our home, my kids, etc., reminding the demons that they have no place in my home because we belong to God and are covered by Jesus's blood and are under God's protection.
I think part of why it happened again was posting this post. But I also wonder if part of it was that I finally began praying again last night. I mean really praying - for my family, for people I know who need prayer, for God's help in everything. I was praying about how I don't know anything anymore and don't know how to handle anything anymore and how I need God to carry me through everything, because I feel very fragile and am having trouble even just standing on my own two feet anymore (metaphorically). The hits just keep coming (some very real, but many that I simply create in my own mind, fears that get too big and that cause me anxiety), along with the "tsunami" that knocked me off my feet last week, which I can't talk about yet.
In fact, I got knocked off my feet three years ago really badly, and I've barely been able to pray since then. I mean, I do pray. I pray those little prayers for help and guidance. I pray for other people who need help. I pray quick prayers of thanks for God's blessings. But I haven't been able to pray anything deep and I haven't been able to figure out how to pray or what to pray for, because my prayers just sound so hollow and seem so ineffective. And I guess I kinda gave up for awhile, feeling like I shouldn't be praying for specific things anymore because I don't even know what I should be praying anymore. I have been in a season of "silent praying." Of simply laying down at the Lord's feet in exhaustion and defeat, asking Him to hold me and to give me whatever He knows I need, because I have no idea what I need anymore. I'm just trying to hang in there. And hanging in there is about all I have energy for.
But last night, I began praying again. So it's no wonder that an attack would come last night. And ... I even prayed something I have never prayed before. Something I have put off for a long time. I prayed that God would have His way in my life. One of those "do what You want in my life, Lord" prayers. Because surely He can do better than I'm doing right now.
I have always resisted praying that prayer, because I always felt it would mean heartache and loss. That if I asked Him to do whatever He wanted in my life, it would surely mean something painful.
And maybe it will, I don't know. But if not praying that prayer has brought me to a place of confusion, loss, heartache, and pain, then why not pray it!?! Why not give God permission to take my already messy life and make whatever He wants to out of it.
I'm doing a sucky job of carrying the burdens myself and keeping it all together. Surely He can do much better than me.
Anyway, I'm not surprised at all about the demonic harassment coming again. (But it would be nice if it doesn't become a regular thing like it was ten years ago.) But that's okay. It's a good reminder to me that the spiritual world is real and active and that I need to approach the spiritual battle with spiritual weapons. Because they're the only ones that work in the spiritual realm!]
After waking up feeling the electricity, I immediately said "In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to leave." And the electricity immediately subsided. And then for some reason, I began praying out loud even more, for God's protection over our home, my kids, etc., reminding the demons that they have no place in my home because we belong to God and are covered by Jesus's blood and are under God's protection.
I think part of why it happened again was posting this post. But I also wonder if part of it was that I finally began praying again last night. I mean really praying - for my family, for people I know who need prayer, for God's help in everything. I was praying about how I don't know anything anymore and don't know how to handle anything anymore and how I need God to carry me through everything, because I feel very fragile and am having trouble even just standing on my own two feet anymore (metaphorically). The hits just keep coming (some very real, but many that I simply create in my own mind, fears that get too big and that cause me anxiety), along with the "tsunami" that knocked me off my feet last week, which I can't talk about yet.
In fact, I got knocked off my feet three years ago really badly, and I've barely been able to pray since then. I mean, I do pray. I pray those little prayers for help and guidance. I pray for other people who need help. I pray quick prayers of thanks for God's blessings. But I haven't been able to pray anything deep and I haven't been able to figure out how to pray or what to pray for, because my prayers just sound so hollow and seem so ineffective. And I guess I kinda gave up for awhile, feeling like I shouldn't be praying for specific things anymore because I don't even know what I should be praying anymore. I have been in a season of "silent praying." Of simply laying down at the Lord's feet in exhaustion and defeat, asking Him to hold me and to give me whatever He knows I need, because I have no idea what I need anymore. I'm just trying to hang in there. And hanging in there is about all I have energy for.
But last night, I began praying again. So it's no wonder that an attack would come last night. And ... I even prayed something I have never prayed before. Something I have put off for a long time. I prayed that God would have His way in my life. One of those "do what You want in my life, Lord" prayers. Because surely He can do better than I'm doing right now.
I have always resisted praying that prayer, because I always felt it would mean heartache and loss. That if I asked Him to do whatever He wanted in my life, it would surely mean something painful.
And maybe it will, I don't know. But if not praying that prayer has brought me to a place of confusion, loss, heartache, and pain, then why not pray it!?! Why not give God permission to take my already messy life and make whatever He wants to out of it.
I'm doing a sucky job of carrying the burdens myself and keeping it all together. Surely He can do much better than me.
Anyway, I'm not surprised at all about the demonic harassment coming again. (But it would be nice if it doesn't become a regular thing like it was ten years ago.) But that's okay. It's a good reminder to me that the spiritual world is real and active and that I need to approach the spiritual battle with spiritual weapons. Because they're the only ones that work in the spiritual realm!]
