Giggle Translate #6: Hot Diaper, Monkey Dust, Invisible Bikes, and Toilet Splash
Some more "Random Facts About Me," run through many different languages with Google Translate, just to see what happens:
1. Original Paragraph:
I had an embarrassing moment the other day. I was checking out at Trader Joes and chatting politely with the teen boy who was ringing up my groceries. And I decided to quickly pop a Tic-Tac in my mouth. But as I opened my mouth to say something (and, of course, he’s looking directly at me), the Tic-Tac comes flying out of my mouth and lands on the floor.
Well, I am mortified! And I bend down to quickly and discreetly pick it up. But when I do, I accidentally kick it ... and it begins to bounce across the floor. So there I am, bent over, chasing a bouncing Tic-Tac full of my mouth germs across the floor.
When I finally get it picked up, I try to resume my polite conversation but I am laughing hysterically inside. Because to a young high-schooler, a 40-year-old with silver hair chasing a bouncing Tic-Tac that just flew out of her mouth across the floor has got to be a sight. I probably look like a disheveled, old, semi-lucid, bag-lady.
I laughed out loud all the way to my car and all the way home as I replayed it in my mind. And then when I told my husband about how I probably looked like a disheveled, old, bag-lady to a young kid, he said, “Yeah, and it was a white Tic-Tac, too, so he probably thought a tooth came flying out.” (I’m laughing so hard right now that I can barely type!)
Translated Version:
One day I was ashamed again. I talked to merchant Joe and talked to new printers for free. I immediately decided to regulate the mouth of my life. But when I opened my mouth and tried to say something (and he saw it), the cross came out of my mouth and I looked down.
Well let me follow your example! I go fast and choose carefully. If so, I accidentally downloaded it.... and began to jump to the ground. So there I was, playing around and finding an attractive style of furniture that filled my mouth and loved everything.
When I tried, I spoke politely, but laughed at the inner miracle. Because young students face a 40-year-old hot diaper with silver hair flying in their mouths. I can look like a shy, old-fashioned bag.
I laughed until I got in the car and thought everyone was going home. And when I told my wife what a sack boy looked like, she said: "Yes, and there is also a white woman, she began to think that she was going out." (Laughing, it was very difficult. I can't write!)
[Wow, totally insulting, Google Translate! I don't think I want to be known as a "hot diaper" or "shy, old-fashioned bag." And "the cross came out of my mouth"? Bizarre. And is that why I'm trying to find attractive furniture to fill my mouth? To make up for the cross that fell out? And what's with my "silver hair flying in their mouths"? Disgusting! (I kid you not, if I find any hair in my food, even if it's my own, I start gagging and can't finish my food.) And Google Translate always seems to give me a wife, instead of my husband. What's that about?
And just for fun, I translated this sentence - "I kid you not, if I find any hair in my food, even if it's my own, I start gagging and can't finish my food." - a bunch of times and got these various translations:
"I love you, not when I get hair in my diet, or mine, I start clapping endless hands to finish my meal." (Wow, I'm a freak! Where'd all those "endless hands" come from?)
"I don’t take it, when I see hair in my food, even though I start to play naked and I can’t finish eating." (Uhh ... playing naked?)
"I'm not your baby, if you find hair in my diet, even though it's my own food, I started getting pregnant, I can not stop the meal." (So that's where babies come from!)
"Laugh with him in the fulness of his sufficiency he will find nothing, even if it is the first time it flows in with a smile and the food before mine eyes so that I am not, I can not eat." (Wow, that's heavy!)]
2. Original paragraph:
I can’t breathe when I am changing the dryer lint trap. Once when I was a teen, a friend and I stuck our faces down by a black-light to look at each other and see the creepy color the light made us. Well, we giggled for about five seconds before we both stopped and got a horrified look on our faces at the exact same time. What we both noticed was that the other person was completely covered in fine dust. It was on our skin, in our eyebrows, on our eyelashes, etc. We both immediately ran to take a shower (separate showers, in a friend’s house where we were staying for the weekend) to wash off the layer of dust.
Since then, all I can think about when I change the dryer lint trap is all the tiny particles of dust that are floating around the air and seeping into my lungs. I literally hold my breath and cover my nose until I am about 10 feet away from the dryer. Uck! It grosses me out to even think about it! Makes me feel like I can’t breathe and like I need to take giant gulps of fresh air and hold it in my lungs for a few seconds.
Translated version:
I cannot change my life, I cannot change my career. Friends, when I was a child I opened my face and saw the light. We'll talk for another five minutes without waiting. The good news is someone pays for mud. These include skin, eyes, hips, etc. To get a quote for the injury, we went to the bathroom (at the time, our friend’s house was in good condition for the weekend).
When the monkey finished, dust came out of his lungs. Cover your nose and place your nose 300 km off the ground. Shut up! Think of something that makes me happy! I couldn't breathe, so I sat on my lungs for a few minutes.
[So I opened my face and saw the light, huh? That's quite deep and philosophical. But it's horrible that people pay for mud with skin, eyes, and hips in it. I hope that's animal skin, eyes, and hips. I mean, I hope not 'cuz that's gross too, but it's better than the alternative. And how on earth did a dust-exhaling monkey get in there? And how do you place your nose (and apparently only your nose) 300 km (186 miles) off the ground? And just a guess here, but if I already couldn't breathe, I probably shouldn't have sat on my lungs for a few minutes. I'm just sayin'. And I don't even know how I could have accomplished that in the first place.]
3. Original paragraph:
You know what’s funny to imagine? That the person riding past you on a bike is riding an invisible bike. People would look funny if bikes were invisible, just pedaling there in midair, gliding along as they hover above the ground, sitting on nothing.
Three different translated versions:
First: Do you know what leisure is? Leg riding an invisible bicycle. If you don't look at the steering wheel, they will look crippled, they just walk in the air, participate in competitions and sit down, everything. [Um, okay, whatever.]
Second: Do you know what fun it is to think? Cyclists will leave the bike behind you. Fools, people look down when they are not visible to live, not only do I walk in the middle of nowhere, we are dust, but we walk on your feet, maybe for you. [Interesting. Confusing. How do you walk on someone's feet for them?]
Third: Do you know how interesting it is? This man was riding a bicycle he had never seen before. People enjoy traveling without seeing their motorcycles and only standing in the middle when walking naked on the ground. [I might enjoy "standing in the middle when walking naked on the ground," too. If I ever got to try it. In the middle of nowhere, with no one around, of course.]
4. Original paragraph:
If so much as one drop of toilet water splashes on me, I have to take a shower. If I even think that one microscopic drop might have splashed on me even though I’m pretty sure it didn’t, I still have to take a shower. And if it happens in a public bathroom, all I can think about until I get home is I have to take a shower as soon as I get home!
And I can't use the first squares of toilet paper in a public bathroom. I have to tear them off and throw them away because all I can think is They might have touched the floor or someone else's filthy hands!
And I always set my jacket over the head-rest of movie-theater seats. Because if I don't, all I think through the whole movie is The person before me might have had lice and rubbed their head all over the head-rest.
(You're welcome, fellow anxiety sufferers, for new things to worry about! Helps take your minds off of the things you normally worry about!)
Translated Version:
When the water goes to the bathroom, I take a shower. If you feel abandoned under the microscope, you should wash it again, even if you don't. But if it happens at my house before I go home, I have to take a bath together to go home later!
And you cannot use the first sheet in the bathroom. I'm jerking it off because I'm knocking on the ground or someone else's hand!
I also wear movie stars. If not, I think people who have suffered from head lice in the past have fleas and sweat.
(Welcome, citizens, for new interests! Help with the profit!)
[Uhh, I don't think I'm gonna comment on this one.]
1. Original Paragraph:
I had an embarrassing moment the other day. I was checking out at Trader Joes and chatting politely with the teen boy who was ringing up my groceries. And I decided to quickly pop a Tic-Tac in my mouth. But as I opened my mouth to say something (and, of course, he’s looking directly at me), the Tic-Tac comes flying out of my mouth and lands on the floor.
Well, I am mortified! And I bend down to quickly and discreetly pick it up. But when I do, I accidentally kick it ... and it begins to bounce across the floor. So there I am, bent over, chasing a bouncing Tic-Tac full of my mouth germs across the floor.
When I finally get it picked up, I try to resume my polite conversation but I am laughing hysterically inside. Because to a young high-schooler, a 40-year-old with silver hair chasing a bouncing Tic-Tac that just flew out of her mouth across the floor has got to be a sight. I probably look like a disheveled, old, semi-lucid, bag-lady.
I laughed out loud all the way to my car and all the way home as I replayed it in my mind. And then when I told my husband about how I probably looked like a disheveled, old, bag-lady to a young kid, he said, “Yeah, and it was a white Tic-Tac, too, so he probably thought a tooth came flying out.” (I’m laughing so hard right now that I can barely type!)
Translated Version:
One day I was ashamed again. I talked to merchant Joe and talked to new printers for free. I immediately decided to regulate the mouth of my life. But when I opened my mouth and tried to say something (and he saw it), the cross came out of my mouth and I looked down.
Well let me follow your example! I go fast and choose carefully. If so, I accidentally downloaded it.... and began to jump to the ground. So there I was, playing around and finding an attractive style of furniture that filled my mouth and loved everything.
When I tried, I spoke politely, but laughed at the inner miracle. Because young students face a 40-year-old hot diaper with silver hair flying in their mouths. I can look like a shy, old-fashioned bag.
I laughed until I got in the car and thought everyone was going home. And when I told my wife what a sack boy looked like, she said: "Yes, and there is also a white woman, she began to think that she was going out." (Laughing, it was very difficult. I can't write!)
[Wow, totally insulting, Google Translate! I don't think I want to be known as a "hot diaper" or "shy, old-fashioned bag." And "the cross came out of my mouth"? Bizarre. And is that why I'm trying to find attractive furniture to fill my mouth? To make up for the cross that fell out? And what's with my "silver hair flying in their mouths"? Disgusting! (I kid you not, if I find any hair in my food, even if it's my own, I start gagging and can't finish my food.) And Google Translate always seems to give me a wife, instead of my husband. What's that about?
And just for fun, I translated this sentence - "I kid you not, if I find any hair in my food, even if it's my own, I start gagging and can't finish my food." - a bunch of times and got these various translations:
"I love you, not when I get hair in my diet, or mine, I start clapping endless hands to finish my meal." (Wow, I'm a freak! Where'd all those "endless hands" come from?)
"I don’t take it, when I see hair in my food, even though I start to play naked and I can’t finish eating." (Uhh ... playing naked?)
"I'm not your baby, if you find hair in my diet, even though it's my own food, I started getting pregnant, I can not stop the meal." (So that's where babies come from!)
"Laugh with him in the fulness of his sufficiency he will find nothing, even if it is the first time it flows in with a smile and the food before mine eyes so that I am not, I can not eat." (Wow, that's heavy!)]
2. Original paragraph:
I can’t breathe when I am changing the dryer lint trap. Once when I was a teen, a friend and I stuck our faces down by a black-light to look at each other and see the creepy color the light made us. Well, we giggled for about five seconds before we both stopped and got a horrified look on our faces at the exact same time. What we both noticed was that the other person was completely covered in fine dust. It was on our skin, in our eyebrows, on our eyelashes, etc. We both immediately ran to take a shower (separate showers, in a friend’s house where we were staying for the weekend) to wash off the layer of dust.
Since then, all I can think about when I change the dryer lint trap is all the tiny particles of dust that are floating around the air and seeping into my lungs. I literally hold my breath and cover my nose until I am about 10 feet away from the dryer. Uck! It grosses me out to even think about it! Makes me feel like I can’t breathe and like I need to take giant gulps of fresh air and hold it in my lungs for a few seconds.
Translated version:
I cannot change my life, I cannot change my career. Friends, when I was a child I opened my face and saw the light. We'll talk for another five minutes without waiting. The good news is someone pays for mud. These include skin, eyes, hips, etc. To get a quote for the injury, we went to the bathroom (at the time, our friend’s house was in good condition for the weekend).
When the monkey finished, dust came out of his lungs. Cover your nose and place your nose 300 km off the ground. Shut up! Think of something that makes me happy! I couldn't breathe, so I sat on my lungs for a few minutes.
[So I opened my face and saw the light, huh? That's quite deep and philosophical. But it's horrible that people pay for mud with skin, eyes, and hips in it. I hope that's animal skin, eyes, and hips. I mean, I hope not 'cuz that's gross too, but it's better than the alternative. And how on earth did a dust-exhaling monkey get in there? And how do you place your nose (and apparently only your nose) 300 km (186 miles) off the ground? And just a guess here, but if I already couldn't breathe, I probably shouldn't have sat on my lungs for a few minutes. I'm just sayin'. And I don't even know how I could have accomplished that in the first place.]
3. Original paragraph:
You know what’s funny to imagine? That the person riding past you on a bike is riding an invisible bike. People would look funny if bikes were invisible, just pedaling there in midair, gliding along as they hover above the ground, sitting on nothing.
Three different translated versions:
First: Do you know what leisure is? Leg riding an invisible bicycle. If you don't look at the steering wheel, they will look crippled, they just walk in the air, participate in competitions and sit down, everything. [Um, okay, whatever.]
Second: Do you know what fun it is to think? Cyclists will leave the bike behind you. Fools, people look down when they are not visible to live, not only do I walk in the middle of nowhere, we are dust, but we walk on your feet, maybe for you. [Interesting. Confusing. How do you walk on someone's feet for them?]
Third: Do you know how interesting it is? This man was riding a bicycle he had never seen before. People enjoy traveling without seeing their motorcycles and only standing in the middle when walking naked on the ground. [I might enjoy "standing in the middle when walking naked on the ground," too. If I ever got to try it. In the middle of nowhere, with no one around, of course.]
4. Original paragraph:
If so much as one drop of toilet water splashes on me, I have to take a shower. If I even think that one microscopic drop might have splashed on me even though I’m pretty sure it didn’t, I still have to take a shower. And if it happens in a public bathroom, all I can think about until I get home is I have to take a shower as soon as I get home!
And I can't use the first squares of toilet paper in a public bathroom. I have to tear them off and throw them away because all I can think is They might have touched the floor or someone else's filthy hands!
And I always set my jacket over the head-rest of movie-theater seats. Because if I don't, all I think through the whole movie is The person before me might have had lice and rubbed their head all over the head-rest.
(You're welcome, fellow anxiety sufferers, for new things to worry about! Helps take your minds off of the things you normally worry about!)
Translated Version:
When the water goes to the bathroom, I take a shower. If you feel abandoned under the microscope, you should wash it again, even if you don't. But if it happens at my house before I go home, I have to take a bath together to go home later!
And you cannot use the first sheet in the bathroom. I'm jerking it off because I'm knocking on the ground or someone else's hand!
I also wear movie stars. If not, I think people who have suffered from head lice in the past have fleas and sweat.
(Welcome, citizens, for new interests! Help with the profit!)
[Uhh, I don't think I'm gonna comment on this one.]
